You Know You Need A New Lawyer When:

  • The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.
  • During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
  • He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
  • He picks the jury by playing duck-duck-goose.
  • During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
  • Every couple of minutes he yells, I call Jack Daniels to the stand! and proceeds to drink a shot.
  • He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
  • Just before he says Your Honor, he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
  • Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, Whatever.
  • He giggles every time he hears the word briefs.
  • He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
  • He begins closing arguments with, As Ally McBeal once said…

-=} Randall {=- LAWYER: A cat who settles a dispute between 2 mice.

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