You know youre a native of Alabama if …
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Poza publicata in [ Seasonal / Holiday ]
Offensive to native Alabamans (but, then again, it could be Arkansas, or Texas, or YOUR state)
- Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help him take the wheels off.
- Youve ever used lard in bed.
- You think potted meat on a saltine is a hors doeuvre.
- You think a six pack of beer and a bug zapper are quality entertainment.
- Less than half the cars you own run.
- Your mother doesnt remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
- The primary color of your car is BOND-O.
- Directions to your house include turn off the paved road.
- You honest-to-God think that women are turned on by animal noises and tongue gestures.
- Your family tree doesnt fork.
- Your wifes hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
- Youve ever hollered rock the house, Bubba during a piano recital.
- Youve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
- The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
- Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
- You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
- The diplomas hanging in your den include The Trucking Institute.
- Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
- You think beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
- You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
- You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
- Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the grease rack.
- Youve ever been too drunk to fish.
- You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
- You use a rag for a gas cap.
- Your lifetime goal is to be an AMWAY distributor.
- Your front porch falls and kills more than three dogs.
- Youve ever won a spitting contest.
- You answer more than half the questions asked you with Do What?
- Youve actually created new meaning for the term Stump Broke.
- Your wife has better tatoos than you do.
- Arriving home from vacation, you suffer from tractor lag.
Remember, if you understood more than half of these, you just might be a Red Neck yourself!
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