You Know Youre From California When…

1. The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway

2. Your were born somewhere else

3. You know how to eat an artichoke

4. The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic

5. Your car has bulletproof windows

6. Left is right and right is wrong

7. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income

8. Your mouse has only one ball

9. If you need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up

10. You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by

11. You cant find your other earring because your son is wearing it

12. You drive to your neighborhood block party

13. Your family tree contains significant others

14. Your dog has its own psychiatrist

15. You dont exterminate your roaches, you smoke them!

16. You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance

17. More than clothes come out of the closets

18. The Dead are best live

19. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach

20. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse

21. More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers

22. Smoking in your office is not optional

23. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach

24. When you cant meet schedule because you must do lunch

25. Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks

26. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news

27. Youll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hottub repairman

28. You consult your horoscope before planning your day

29. A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery