10
May

You Might Be a Damn Yankee If

You think barbecue is a verb meaning to cook outside.
You dont have any problems pronouncing Worcestershire sauce
correctly.
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
You dont know what a moon pie is.
Youve never had grain alcohol.
Youve never, ever, eaten Okra.
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
Youve never seen a live chicken, and the only cows youve see
are on road trips.
You have no idea what a polecat is.
Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it
goes over your head.
You dont see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
You would rather vacation at Marthas Vineyard than Six Flags.
More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of
the same prep school in Connecticut.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get
his own TV fishing show.
Instead of referring to two or more people as yall, you call
them you guys, even if both of them are women.
You dont think Howard Stern has an accent.
You have never planned your summer vacation around a
gun-and-knife show.
You think more money should go to important scientific research at
your university than to pay the salary of the head football
coach.
You dont have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the
house.
The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from
getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
You dont have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
The farthest south youve ever been is the perfume counter at
Neiman Marcus.
You cant spit out the car window without pulling over to the side
of the road and stopping.
You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
You dont know what applique is.
Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place
within the context of a football game.
You dont know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy
Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
You dont have doilies, and you certainly dont know how to make
one.
Youve never been to a craft show.
You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
You cant do your laundry without quarters.

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