21
Jun

You might be a Yankee if …

By now Im sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF:

You think barbecue is a verb meaning to cook outside.
You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
You dont have any problems pronouncing Worcestershire sauce correctly.
For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
You dont know what a moon pie is.
Youve never had an RC cola.
Youve never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
Youve never seen a live chicken, and the only cows youve seen are on road trips.
You have no idea what a polecat is.
You dont see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
You dont have bangs.
You would rather vacation at Marthas Vineyard than Six Flags.
More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
Instead of referring to two or more people as yall, you call them you guys, even if both of them are women.
You dont think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You dont have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
You dont have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
The farthest south youve ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
You call binoculars opera glasses.
You cant spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
You dont know what applique is.
You dont know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, et al).
You dont have doilies, and you certainly dont know how to make one.
Youve never been to a craft show.
You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
You can do your laundry without quarters.
None of your fur coats are homemade.

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