How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way.

10. Cats facial expressions.



9. The need for the same style of shoe in different colors.



8. Why bean sprouts arent just weeds.



7. Fat clothes.



6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your last time.



5. The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.



4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.



3. Romantic stuff like mushy cards and flowers.



2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.



And the number one thing only women understand:



1. Other women!

There was a man walking on the beach and he found a genie lamp. The genie popped out and tol him he could only have one wish because he had been granting wishes all day and was getting tired. The genie said think real good and hard then let me know. So the man thought for a little while then he said, I wont a bridge from hear to Hawaii so I can just drive there instead of flying. The genie said no way, that would take way to long. The genie said think of another one. So he thought real good and hard and said ok. I want the key to figure out a woman. The genie said, where did you want that bridge to go to.

The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

1. Say, Hmmm, Ive never seen that color before.2. Drop a marble and say, oh shoot!! My glass eye!!3. Say Darn, this water is cold.4. Say, Interesting….more sinkers than floaters.5. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?6. Say. Cmon Mr. Happy! Dont fall asleep on me!7. Take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say You got any more toilet paper over there, This sides completely out.

One hot summer I worked for the Lil Stinker company, a guy down the
street from us that pumped septic tanks. It actually wasnt a bad
job. Most of my day was spent driving all over backwoods San Diego
County in a big white pickup truck (San Diego County still had
backwoods then). My job was to get to the customer in advance of the
tank truck, find the septic tank, and dig down to the lid so everything
would be ready when Sweeney got there with the tank truck. The tank
truck was great–huge black monster with two white stripes running
down the back, a picture of a skunk, and his phone number. If you saw
it once, you remembered it instantly whenever your toilets backed up.

Over the course of the summer Sweeney told me a number of interesting
and possibly true stories. This has always been one of my favorites.

Sweeney got called out to this house in Rancho Santa Fe, a very ritzy
suburb. Typical problem, the toilets are backing up. Young husband
answers the door, tells him the tank is out there somewhere. Sweeney
goes out, finds and uncovers the tank, takes a look inside. Its got
zillions of condoms happily floating on top of the, ah, other
contents. Theyve floated up against the outflow hole, thereby
blocking up the whole system. Sweeney walks back up to the house and
brings the guy out to show him what the problem is. The guy is
obviously stunned, so Sweeney starts to explain that condoms dont do
well in a septic tank. The guy cuts him off and says between clenched
teeth, I dont use them. He thinks it over for a minute, writes
Sweeney a check for the full bill, and tells him to just leave it like
it is. To this day he has no idea what happened when the wife got home.

[Ed: Reportedly an Urban Legend]

Three ladies passing by the door to the mens locker room at the local country club, accidently catch a brief glimpse of a man with his face obscured by the towel he is using to dry his hair, but they get a good view of his nakedness from the waist down.

The first lady says, Well, I didnt see his face, but hes certainly not my husband!

The second lady says, And he isnt mine, either!

The third lady says, Hell, he isnt even a member of the club!

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied. “Im sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?” “My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?” To which the man replied, “Get in line.”

TOP 10 LINES FROM STAR WARS

10) Get in there you big furry oaf, I dont care what you smell!
9) Luke, at that speed do you think youll be able to pull out in time?
8) Put that thing away before you get us all killed.
7) Youve got something jammed in here real good.
6) Arent you a little short for a stormtrooper?
5) You came in that thing? Youre braver than I thought.
4) Sorry about the mess…
3) Look at the size of that thing!
2) Curse my metal body, I wasnt fast enough!
1) She may not look like much, but shes got it where it counts, kid.

TOP 10 LINES FROM THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
10) I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me.
9) Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?
8) Theres an awful lot of moisture in here.
7) But now we must eat. Come, good food, come…
6) Thats okay, Id like to keep it on manual control for a while.
5) Hurry up, golden-rod…
4) I mustve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?
3) Possible he came in through the south entrance.
2) And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
1) Control, control! You must learn control!
TOP 10 LINES FROM RETURN OF THE JEDI
10) Hey, point that thing someplace else.
9) I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master.
8) Youre a jittery little thing, arent you?
7) I never knew I had it in me.
6) Someone mustve told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab.
5) There is good in him, Ive felt it.
4) I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can. Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.
3) Grab me, Chewie. Im slipping – hold on. Grab it, almost…you
almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!
2) Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me – now I owe you one.
1) Back door, huh? Good idea!