– You give it a boogie!

One day this Blonde walked into her doctors office.

Doctor, Doctor Im having these awlful pains in my back.
Well let me take a look.

When the doctor looked he had a look of suprise on his face.
This is amazing.
What is is doctor?
I didnt know that the new Toyotas had ribbed leather rear seating!

How do you get a black guy out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Womens Snappy Comebacks:

Man: =Havent we met before? Woman: Yes, Im the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

Man: =Havent I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, thats why I dont go there anymore.

Man: = Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: = So, wanna go back to my place ? Woman: Well, I dont know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: = Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours and Ill go to mine.

Man: = Id like to call you. Whats your number? Woman: Its in the phone book.

Man: = But I dont know your name. Woman: Thats in the phone book too.

Man: = So what do you do for a living? Woman: Im a female impersonator.

Man: = What sign were you born under? Woman: No Parking.

Man: = Hey, baby, whats your sign? Woman: Do not Enter

Man: = How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized !

Man: = Hey, come on, were both here at this bar for the same reason Woman: Yeah! Lets pick up some chicks!

Man: = I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: = I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts.

Man: = If I could see you naked, Id die happy. Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, Id probably die laughing.

Man: = Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: = Id go through anything for you. Woman: Good! Lets start with your bank account.

Man: = I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Q: What do you get when you cross a 1-legged Polak with a Mongoloid?

A: A Polaroid One-Step.

Ol Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol Freds condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol Fred died. He said, You know, Ol Fred handed me a note just before he died. I havent looked at it, but knowing Fred, Im sure theres a word of inspiration there for us all. He opened the note, and read, Ass****, youre standing on my oxygen tube!

Whats the difference between a condom and a cockpit?

You can only fit one dick in a condom.

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, Heres a pill for English literature. The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

What else do you have? asks the student.

Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history, replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, Do you have a pill for math?

The pharmacist says, Wait just a moment, goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.

I have to take that huge pill for math? inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow.

A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. That will be $7.50 please says the bartender. So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer. You know we dont very many hippos in here mutters the bartender.

The hippo replies, At these prices its no wonder!

(J. Daniel Smiths East German joke the other day reminded of this one.
Bill Fason told it to me a few years ago. –DG)

One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk
with his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a
present of her choice.

She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, Oh, Erich,
if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open
the borders just for one day.

Honnecker said, Of course, my dear, but was a bit puzzled by her
request. He asked, But why would you have me do such a thing?

The mistress replied, I want to be alone with you.

[Ed: This joke was from early 1989–prophetic, or what?]