En la clase de Ciencias Naturales, la maestra pregunta a sus alumnos:

Lolita, ¿cómo se llama la vena que recoge toda la sangre del cuerpo y la manda al corazón?

No sé, maestra.

La vena cava, Lolita.

A ver, Carlitos, ¿cómo se llama la vena que va desde los pulmones al corazón?

No sé, maestra.

La vena pulmonar, Carlitos.

Entonces, Jaimito le pregunta a la maestra:

Maestra, ¿cómo se llama la vena que va desde la boca al culo?

¡Jaimito, no seas grosero, por Dios, esa no existe, niño!

Si existe, maestra, y se llama la vena Quacker!

Estaba un viejito bañandose en una bañera, cuando de repente empieza a dar gritos como loco llamando a la viejita:

Vieja, vieja, vieja, ven pa que veas esto, mira fíjate como va para ariba, ay qué sabroso, se siente un friíto divino, ay siento que me revive ay, ay…

La viejita, que era un poco odiosa, le responde:

No, viejo, eso no va para arriba, ese bicho lo que está es flotando.

A man goes hunting on day and sees a big bear ..so he thinks to himself that would look great in my game room…so he picks up his little rifle///takes aim…and fires….loud bang,big cloud of smoke….i got him the hunter says..he runs over to get his prize…look down and no bear…just then he feels a tap on his sholder..he turns around and the bear says to him…suck my dick or die so the hunter does his thing to the bear and goes home pissed off….

the next day the hunter returns for pay back with an even bigger gun… ill get him this time he says….he spots the bear takes aim…fires…loud bang…big cloud of smoke…he runs over to where the bear is…nothing…the hunter feels a tap on his sholder turns around and the bear says suck my dick or die hunter does it and goes home really pissed now…

next day hunter brings a fucking rocket launcher…sees the bear and boom!!!! the hunter runs over to where is and still nothing…he feels another tap on his sholder and the bear says…..your not here for the hunting are you

Teacher:How on earth can you write wire with 2 rs?



John:With a pen,miss.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?

42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or perfume.43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on their book.44. Put down your book, then say, “Hey, ya wanna trade?”45. Bring a recording of very obnoxious music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them, then get the librarian to come. When they find it in your bag, yell, “IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU!!!!! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!! IT’S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY!! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY BAG!!! IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T LET THEM DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!”46. Without looking away from your book, say to no one in particular, “I know what you did last summer.”47. Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces of it down the little hole in the center of the table meant for cords.48. While reading your book, start humming a single note until you’re out of breath, then collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and continue reading like nothing happened.49. Start singing “This is the song that never ends. . .”50. While placing small pieces of bread in a line, count one, two, three. . ., and lose count every ten or so.51. Bring a recording of a popular song. Play it on headphones quietly, but sing along very badly. Then say to the person next to you, “I took singing lessons!”52. Turn to the person sitting next to you and say to them, “Hey! How ya doin’? That’s great, me too.”53. Instead of a laptop, bring your entire computer!54. While working at a laptop, suddenly stand up, and announce to every one, “I have mail!!”55. Start staring at the person, and when you have their attention, announce, “I measure sock by thickness!”56. Turn to the person next to you, and ask them to pronounce their name backwards. When they ask you why, tell them that you are looking for hidden messages.57. State proudly that you have been to the ‘other’ side. Give no explanation.58. Suddenly grasp your heart, let out a wail, and fall to the ground. Then get

Two old men suffering from long term memory loss were sitting on the steps of the old-age home when an ice cream van drove past. Gee, said the first old codger. Id love an ice cream right now. Would you like me to get you one? asked the second old bloke. Are you joking? the first old fart snapped back. Youd forget my order straight away. No I wouldnt, replied the second. All right, then, said his mate. I want a double cone with mint ice cream and choc chips, and a cherry on top. The second old bloke repeated the order flawlessly. Five minutes later he walked back carrying two meat pies. The first old bloke looked at the pies in disgust then yelled, I knew I shouldve gone myself. You forgot the bloody sauce!

One day, heaven is beginning to fill up (of course due to the population explosion), so St. Peter decides to ask each person a question about the bible before they can enter. Three men stand at the pearly gates, waiting to get into heaven. How many wise men were there? St. Peter asks the first man. Three. He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open, and the first man enters.How long did the flood last? St. Peter asks the second man. Forty days and forty nights. He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open and the second man enters. Seeing how easily the first two answered his trivia, St. Peter thinks of a much more difficult question for the second man. Finally, he asks, What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in the Garden?The man thinks and thinks, but cant come up with an answer. Boy, thats a hard one, he finally says. And the trumpets blow, the gates open, and the last man enters heaven.

A stuttering man finally decides to go to the doctor to see if his speech
impediment can be cured. The doctor thoroughly examines the man and finally
asks him to drop his pants.

Out comes this gigantic dick and the doctor pronounces the root of the problem
to be strain on the vocal chords from the effects of gravity being transmitted
up to the neck area.

The patient then asks, wh-wh-at c-c-ca-an b-b-e d-d-done ab-b-bout- t-t i-i-
t? to which the doctor replies, modern surgery can work miracles. We can
replace your dick with one of normal size and the stuttering will disappear
right after the operation.

The patient eagerly agrees to the surgery, and as promised his stuttering
disappears.

About 3 months later the man returns to the doctor and complains, doctor, I
am grateful to you for having cured me, but my wife really misses a big dick,
and rather than lose her Ive decided to get my old dick back and live with
stuttering for the rest of my life. The doctor then looks straight at the man
and replies, d-d- de-deals a d-d-deal.

One year at Christmas my mom went to my sisters house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister was, mom decided to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store and sent her for it. While she was gone, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, unstuffed it, restuffed it with a Cornish game hen, put stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back in the oven.

When it came time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out this little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, Patricia, you killed a pregnant bird!!!

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took my mother two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.