A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV gos on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech.

The man yells, Theres a horses ass

A guy gets up and punches him..

Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same, Theres a horses ASS..

He then got punched again.. So he says to the bartender, What is this Clinton country..

The bartender says no, Horse country

Un matrimonio llega a la admisión de urgencias del centro de salud de su barrio. El marido con el pene en la mano y su mujer con una gran quemadura en el hombro y la cabeza llena de chichones. Cuando el médico les ve, intrigado les pregunta:

¿Qué les ha pasado que vienen así?

Ha sido un accidente doméstico.

¿Un accidente doméstico y vienen de esta manera? ¿Cómo ha sido?

Pues verá: esta mañana salí de casa hacia el trabajo y, cuando eran aproximadamente las doce, vi que había olvidado coger unos documentos. Así que volví a recogerlos. Cuando llegué a la cocina encontré a mi mujer desnuda haciendo una tortilla de patatas. La acaricié con tanta ternura que ella se volvió hacia mí y empezó a besarme en el cuello. Fue bajando y besándome hasta introducir mi pene en su boca. Entonces, vi que la tortilla de patatas se quemaba; cogí la sartén por el mango elevándola para darle la vuelta en el aire, con tan mala suerte que no acerté al bajarla, y le cayó a mi mujer en la espalda. Ella, al quemarse, apretó los dientes y me mordió en el pene y yo, para que me soltara, cogí el rodillo de cocina y le di unos cuantos golpes en la cabeza.

¿Qué le dijo un globo a otro globo?

I globe you.

¿Qué le dijo un guante a otro guante?

I guant you.

¿Qué le dijo un foco a otro foco?

I fuck you.

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

Look at their reserve, their calm, muses the Brit. They
must be British.

Nonsense, the Frenchman disagrees. Theyre naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French.

No clothes, no shelter, the Russian points out, they have
only an apple to eat, and theyre being told this is
paradise. They are Russian.

England: A German tourist, supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at
customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs
official realizes that the tourist does not know what a handicap is. The
customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does —
backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

1. How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.

2. How do you kill a pink elephant? Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time hed finally managed an affair with the innkeepers daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
Helen, why didnt you write when you learned you were pregnant? he cried. I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!
Well, she said, when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin and talkin and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator
up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. Ill make you a deal. Ill
open this alligators mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will
close his mouth for one minute. Hell then open his mouth and Ill remove my
unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me
a drink.

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his
trousers, and placed his privates in the alligators open mouth. The gator
closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer
bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened
his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd
cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again
and made another offer.

Ill pay anyone $100 whos willing to give it a try. A hush fell over the
crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly
spoke up. Ill try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the
beer bottle.