Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first babys pacifier by boiling it and to your last babys pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts cant quite reach anything.

Un hombre llega a un bar con un pañuelo negro por debajo de la mandíbula y atado en la cabeza; enseguida se le acerca un amigo:

¿Qué te pasa?

¡Que se ha muerto mi suegra!

¿Y ahí llevas el luto?

¡No, qué va! es para no reírme.

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:



a) Lovemaking

b) Screwing

c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town



2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after youve both shared:



a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship

b) Your blood-test results

c) Five tequila slammers



3. You time your orgasm so that:



a) Your partner climaxes first

b) You both climax simultaneously

c) You dont miss SportsCenter



4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:



a) Healthy, creative love-play

b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to

c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about



5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman youve just had sex with is:



a) The best part of the experience

b) The second best part of the experience

c) $100 extra



6. Your girlfriend says shes gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:



a) No concern of yours

b) Not a problem – she can join your gym

c) A conservative estimate



7. You think todays sensitive, caring man is:



a) A myth

b) An oxymoron

c) A moron



8. Foreplay is to sex as:



a) Appetizer is to entree

b) Priming is to painting

c) A queue is to an amusement park ride



9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?



a) I hope we can still be friends.

b) Im not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone….

c) Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.



10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:



a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy

b) Is uptight and a waste of time

c) Shouldnt have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Q. What did the egg say after he was put in a pot of boiling water?

A. I just got laid and now Im getting hard!?!?

Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?



A: Booger King!!!

There was a women with blond hair, and she was driving her husbands truck.A while after she got on the road she heard police sirens so she pulled over.She said,whats the problem officer?


Maam do you know that youre swirving all over the road?


ya i know there is this little tre in front of me and i cant go around it


the officer saidthats an air freshener.

Three ducks were in court. The first duck was called up for questioning. The judge said NAME and the duck replyed Quack. Then the judge said What were you doing? and the duck replyed I was blowing bubbles. The judge then said I cant see any problem with that. OK NEXT. So the next duck came to the stand NAME and the duck agen replyed Quack. The judge again said What were you doing? and the duck replyed I was blowing bubbles. The judge then agreed that there wasnt a problem and shouted next. The duck climbed to the stand. The judge said name and the duck said Bubbles!

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldnt get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. You know what I would do? she said. See that tree over there? Chop it down, chop off a good sized log, split the log in two, and make two tables out of them. Put the tables and the snakes into a cage, and let them go at it.

Well, the breeder thought that this was insane, but having no other options, he tried it. Sure enough, a few days later he had a whole slew of baby snakes. He called up the zoologist, and asked her how that was possible. She replied, Well, you see, those snakes were adders. And everybody knows that to get adders to multiply you need log tables.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Noah!
Noah who?
Noah dont know who you are either!