20
Feb

Knock Knock Whos there? Oewn! Owen who? Owen you

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Oewn!
Owen who?
Owen you open this door, Im going to give you such a roasting!

20
Feb

Dos polticos entran en un

Dos políticos entran en un bar y el camarero les dice:

Eh, ¿vosotros sabéis que es lo que tiene 4 piernas y apesta?

No.

Vosotros dos.

¡Ja, ja, ja! Qué bueno, oye, vamos a contárselo a esos dos.

Se acercan a una mesa y les dicen a los que están sentados:

¿Vosotros sabéis que es lo que tiene cuatro piernas y apesta?

No.

¡Pues nosotros, hombre!

20
Feb

Un recomendado de Valladolid se

Un recomendado de Valladolid se incorpora a una factoría sevillana.

El jefe de personal que le recibe, no está de muy buen humor, -pues pretendía enchufar a su sobrino en ese puesto-, pero acata la decisión del gerente; y tras un frio saludo, le dice:

A vé, vamoz a reshená er ezpediente. ¿Zu nombre…?

Vicente responde, un poco intimidado por el tono rudo del andalú.

¿Edá…?

Veintiuno.

¿De onde é uzté…?, pregunta el entrevistador.

Y el nuevo fichaje hincha pecho y exclama orgulloso:

¡Pucelano!

El jefe de personal le mira de reojo y replica:

Le he preguntao de onde é uzte… no le pedío que me ezplique como conziguió er trabaho.

20
Feb

My daughter is your reward

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didnt think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?

The guy says, Listen, I dont want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!

20
Feb

This law has been intentionally

This law has been intentionally left blank.

20
Feb

To

To look in the sky and see stars.

20
Feb

What are the first three

What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook?

Steal a chicken…

20
Feb

Yo mama and the Taxi

Yo mama so fat that when she wore yellow clothes, a pedestrian yelled Yo, taxi!

20
Feb

Flies Point of View

Two flies were strolling along the ceiling of an apartment.

You know, remarked the first little fly, human beings are so silly!

People are silly? replied the second fly. How do you figure that?

The first fly shrugged his wings. Just take a look, he said, They spend good money building a nice high ceiling, and then they walk on the floor.

From: Herbert V. Prochnows The Speakers Treasury of Stories for all Occasions

20
Feb

Helpless woman

A young lady is sitting on top of a pier with no arms and no legs. A man walks past her, and she cries.

The man goes up to her and asks her whats wrong. She says that she has never been hugged before, so he hugs her and walks off.

As he walks, the lady cries again. The man goes up to her and asks again whats wrong with her. She says she has never been kissed, so he kisses her and walks off.

She starts to sob now, so the man walks back and asks again. She says I have never been screwed before. So he picks her up, and throws her off the side, and says now your screwed.

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