Knock Knock Whos there? Ooze! Ooze who? Ooze in

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ooze who?
Ooze in charge round here!


Historical Wife

A man complains to a friend, I cant take it anymore.

Whats wrong? his concerned friend asks.

Its my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!

You mean hysterical, his friend said, chuckling.

No, I mean HISTORICAL, the man insists. Every argument we have, shell go I still remember that time when you ….


Dos monjas que estn siendo

Dos monjas que están siendo violadas y una dice:

Padre, perdónalo porque no sabe lo que hace.

A lo que la otra replica:

Será el tuyo, porque el mío lo hace como los dioses.


Camel love

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, Whats the camel for? The Sergeant replied, Well sir, its a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do,we have the camel. The Captain said Well, if its good for morale, then I guess its all right with me. After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, BRING IN THE CAMEL!!! The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captains quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, Is that how the enlisted men do it? The Sergeant replied, Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.


What were there only 900

What were there only 900 mexicans at the Alamo?

Because they only took two cars.


What if the Hokey Pokey

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?


Do you believe in life

Do you believe in life after death? the boss asked one of his employees.Yes, Sir, the new employee replied.Oh good, I just wanted to be sure, the boss went on. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmothers funeral, she stopped in to see you!


Pulled Over

A cop pulls over a car thats been swerving across the lanes of a road.
"Get out of the car, please."
"But Im not drunk, officer!"
"Listen, it doesnt matter if youre drunk or not. If you dont get out of this car, Ill arrest you anyway."
"Fine," says the man and gets out of the car.
"Okay, now walk this yellow line." The man looks at the line.
"Which one of them do I walk on?"


Yuks from the Yakutsk

Taken from The Jokes of Oppression: The Humor of Soviet Jews.

Question: What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean?

Answer: It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the
Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukrainians
take the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go and beat up
the Jews.

Question: Whats meant by an exchange of opinions in the Communist
party of the Soviet Union?

Answer: Its when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion,
and I leave with the partys.

Three prison inmates were locked in the same cell; they soon began

What are you here for? asked one inmate of another.

They put me in for beating up some old Jew named Khaimovich,
snarled one man.

And why are you here? asked the second of the first.

For having defended some old Jew named Khaimovich in a fight, he

And what were you arrested for? the third inmate was asked.

For being Khaimovich, he sighed.

Scott C. Jensen


Hearing problems

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman said, Oh, I havent told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Ive changed my will three times!

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