15
Nov

Knock Knock Whos there? Tsongas! Tsongas who? Tsongas youre

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Tsongas!
Tsongas who?
Tsongas youre here, lets tell some Knock Knock

jokes!

15
Nov

The Violator

Judge: Well, Tawanda, as I understand the charges, your man, Tyrone came home drunk the other night and violated you. And you want him put away for a while.

Tawanda: Not exactly, your Honor. He did as you say, but then hed done that many times before. This time, when he was done violating me, he went and grabbed little Annie with the glasses and violated her!

Judge: Oh, I see. I guess that would be the last straw!

Tawanda: Oh, no your Honor. Hed done that twice before, also. The last straw was when he put little Annies glasses on his violator and said, Look around big boy and see if you missed anybody!

15
Nov

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Arent:

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Arent:


10. I need to whip it out by 5.


9. Mind if I use your laptop?


8. Just stick it in my box.


7. If I have to lick one more, Ill gag.


6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!


5. HMMMMMMMM….I think its out of fluid.


4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.


3. Its an entry-level position.


2. When do you think youll be getting off today?



And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but isnt:


1. Its not fair…I do all the work while he just sits there.

15
Nov

Sobndose su tremenda barrigota y

Sobándose su tremenda barrigota y después de eructar, un caníbal le dice a otro:

¡Bruuup! ¡Yo no volver a comer monja!

¿Por qué, Burundanga?

Porque, ¡puaaf… saber a madre!

15
Nov

Un tipo se encuentra con

Un tipo se encuentra con un amigo quien le informa:

Tu mujer te engaña con tu compadre.

¿De verdad? Pero, ¿tú cómo lo sabes?

Mira, mañana, cuando te vayas a trabajar, nos vemos en la esquina de tu casa para demostrártelo.

A la mañana siguiente, el sujeto se encuentra con el amigo y se dirigen a un edificio cercano. El acompañante del cornudo saca un telescopio y enfoca hacia la casa del amigo.

Mira, ahí va tu compadre.

El otro corre a observar y acepta:

Es cierto, y mi mujer se está desnudando. ¡Mira la panzota que tiene! ¡Y las caderas todas llenas de celulitis! ¡Ve esas chiches todas caídas! ¡Ay, no, qué pena con el compadre!

15
Nov

Dont think of it as

Dont think of it as thousands of dollars of your hard-earned
money. Think of it as a screwdriver for the military.

15
Nov

Pink and fluffy

Q. Whats pink and fluffy?

A. Pink fluff, duh!

15
Nov

The Road Runner

The Roadrunner was feeling very amorous one day, and since there were no other female roadrunners around, he decided to look around.

He happened to spot a lovely dove. Bzzzzzz… down he goes and feathers are flying, lots of dust in the air and the dazed dove is lying there with a smile and says, Im a dove and Ive been loved!

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied. He spots a Lark flying around and zooms down on her. Again, feathers are flying around and dust is in the air and the dazed Lark is lying there and said, Im a Lark and Ive been sparked

The Roadrunner is still not satisfied and spots a Duck. He zooms down and again feathers are flying and a lot of squawkings and dust flying in the air, and the roadrunner takes off.

The Duck is lying there really pissed off, and says Im a Drake and theres been a mistake!

15
Nov

The Rules (by Her)

The Rules (by Her)

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesnt abide by THE RULES, it is because he cant take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

15
Nov

Strange city names

My uncle was travelling on business, in New Mexico. He needed to cash a check, and went to the bank (strangely enough).

He gave his check to the bank teller, and she looked at it and said O-co-no-co-mo-co-woc (actually Oconomowoc)

Gee, thats a funny name for a city!

My uncles response was And Albuquerque isnt?

Well, *I* thought it was funny.