13
Jun

Operating systems as beers

VMS Beer — Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents.

13
Jun

Una seora se va a

Una señora se va a operar de las tetas. Cuando la operacion termina ella dice:

Señor, pero no tengo nada. Estoy peor que antes.

Lo que pasa es que usted tiene que agitar los brazos y se le inflarán, le responde el doctor, mientras le mueve los brazos como una gallina.

Días después la señora iba por la calle y se encuentra a un hombre bien parecido y le dice:

¿Quiere venir a tomar un café lo dice agitando los brazos.

Por supuesto, le contesta el hombre, moviendo las piernas como loco.

13
Jun

The game of golf!

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.



Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.



Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.



Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.



The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.



Theres no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.



Golf was once a rich mans sport, but now it has millions of poor players.



An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.



Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

13
Jun

Knock Knock Whos there? Pizza! Pizza who? Pizza the

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Pizza!
Pizza who?
Pizza the pie!

13
Jun

The only important information in

The only important information in a hierarchy is who knows what.

13
Jun

Biermans Laws of Contracts:

Biermans Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you cant cover all the what ifs. (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved what ifs. (3) Every resolved what if creates two unresolved what ifs.

13
Jun

It seems that Hillary has

It seems that Hillary has taken charge of hiring new interns for the White
House?

She currently is looking to see if Lorena Bobbitt is available….

13
Jun

Definition of a smart Blonde.

One who doesnt move her lips when she reads.

13
Jun

Bad Dog, Put Fluffy Back

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbors pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbors house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, Did you hear that Fluffy died? The guy stammers and says, Um…no…um…what happened?. The neighbor replies, We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!

13
Jun

Clinton and a lightbulb

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Zero. He only screws interns.

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