Owen you open this door, Im going to give you such a roasting!
Dos polÃticos entran en un bar y el camarero les dice:
Eh, Â¿vosotros sabÃ©is que es lo que tiene 4 piernas y apesta?
Â¡Ja, ja, ja! QuÃ© bueno, oye, vamos a contÃ¡rselo a esos dos.
Se acercan a una mesa y les dicen a los que estÃ¡n sentados:
Â¿Vosotros sabÃ©is que es lo que tiene cuatro piernas y apesta?
Â¡Pues nosotros, hombre!
Un recomendado de Valladolid se incorpora a una factorÃa sevillana.
El jefe de personal que le recibe, no estÃ¡ de muy buen humor, -pues pretendÃa enchufar a su sobrino en ese puesto-, pero acata la decisiÃ³n del gerente; y tras un frio saludo, le dice:
A vÃ©, vamoz a reshenÃ¡ er ezpediente. Â¿Zu nombre…?
Vicente responde, un poco intimidado por el tono rudo del andalÃº.
Â¿De onde Ã© uztÃ©…?, pregunta el entrevistador.
Y el nuevo fichaje hincha pecho y exclama orgulloso:
El jefe de personal le mira de reojo y replica:
Le he preguntao de onde Ã© uzte… no le pedÃo que me ezplique como conziguiÃ³ er trabaho.
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didnt think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?
The guy says, Listen, I dont want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!
This law has been intentionally left blank.
To look in the sky and see stars.
What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook?
Steal a chicken…
Yo mama so fat that when she wore yellow clothes, a pedestrian yelled Yo, taxi!
Two flies were strolling along the ceiling of an apartment.
You know, remarked the first little fly, human beings are so silly!
People are silly? replied the second fly. How do you figure that?
The first fly shrugged his wings. Just take a look, he said, They spend good money building a nice high ceiling, and then they walk on the floor.
From: Herbert V. Prochnows The Speakers Treasury of Stories for all Occasions
A young lady is sitting on top of a pier with no arms and no legs. A man walks past her, and she cries.
The man goes up to her and asks her whats wrong. She says that she has never been hugged before, so he hugs her and walks off.
As he walks, the lady cries again. The man goes up to her and asks again whats wrong with her. She says she has never been kissed, so he kisses her and walks off.
She starts to sob now, so the man walks back and asks again. She says I have never been screwed before. So he picks her up, and throws her off the side, and says now your screwed.