Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
Una pareja de ancianos discuten, y Ã©l le dice a ella:
Cuando te mueras voy a comprar una lÃ¡pida que diga: AquÃ yace mi mujer, tan frÃa como siempre.
Y yo voy a poner: AquÃ yace mi marido, Â¡al fin rÃgido!.
Hola, cariÃ±o, Â¿cÃ³mo te fue en el golf?, preguntÃ³ Estela a su esposo Pedro.
Bien, estaba dando buenos golpes, pero mi vista estÃ¡ tan mal que no veÃa a donde iba la bola.
Â¡Claro, si tienes 75 aÃ±os, quÃ© esperabas! Â¿Por quÃ© no llevas a mi hermano Santiago contigo?
Â¡Pero si Ã©l tiene 85 y ya no juega golf!
Pero su vista sigue perfecta. Ã‰l puede ver a donde va la bola y decirte.
Al dÃa siguiente, Pedro estaba jugando y Santiago miraba a su lado. Pedro golpeÃ³ con fuerza y la bola saliÃ³ disparada un buen tramo.
Â¿La viste?, preguntÃ³ Pedro.
SÃ, respondiÃ³ Santiago.
Bueno, Â¿y dÃ³nde cayÃ³? preguntÃ³ Pedro, esforzando la vista sin alcanzar a ver nada.
Ya no me acuerdo…
Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 3.1 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 1.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0. They found that 1.0 is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives. HUSBAND 1.0 includes plug-ins such as MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS although market research has clearly shown that they are unnecessary and unwanted.
The upcoming BOYFRIEND 4.0 will change all that. Created by leading experts in the field and based upon years of research and classroom lectures, it includes the best of the old features, such as the HANDYMAN FUNCTION, and includes many new functions such as the OPTIONAL COMMITMENT FEATURE. Other immature functions, such as BEER GUZZLING and CAT CALLING have been removed, though they can still be found on FRATBOY 1.1
BOYFRIEND 4.0 will include:
– An AUTOMATIC REMINDER BUTTON AND PAY ATTENTION FEATURE (so I dont have to repeat myself) – MINIMIZE BUTTON – SHUTDOWN FEATURE – SHOPPING FUNCTION – A BACK-UP ENERGY SUPPLY, so it wont fall asleep after sex
– A LAUNDRY, COOKING, & HOUSECLEANING FUNCTION – DIAPER-CHANGING FUNCTION, for the more advanced users – A SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE, so once its uninstalled it wont come back – A MONOGAMY FEATURE – AUTOMATIC OVERRIDE that kicks in right before theyre about to say ANYTHING even remotely stupid
It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).
NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
When in trouble, delegate.
Well worry about that when we get there.
How does one identify a Kentucky virgin?
Shes the one who can outrun her brothers.