A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: Here lies my wife…..cold as ever
Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: Here lies my husband…..stiff at last
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents.
He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.
The problem developed into one of acute flatulence and halfway through canapés the young man realized that he couldnt hold it in one second longer without exploding.
A tiny fart escaped.
Spot, called out the young womans mother to the family dog lying at the young mans feet.
Relieved at the dog getting the blame, the young man let another slightly larger one go.
Spot, she cried out sharply.
Ive got it made, thought the fellow to himself. One more and Ill be fine. So he let loose a really big one.
Spot, shrieked the mother, get over here before he shits on you.
Llega un joven con tatuajes, el pelo parado y de colores, con aretes en la nariz, las orejas, la lengua y el ombligo; una camisa de Metálica y le dice el papá:
No, tú no puedes ser mi hijo.
Yo sé que algún dÃa te ibas a dar cuenta, le responde el menor.
Tres mujeres están conversando de sexo. Una de ellas les pregunta a las otras:
¿Y ustedes cómo saben cuando están excitadas?
Yo voy al baño y me toco el calzón; si está mojado, estoy excitada, contesta la primera.
Yo me toco los pezones; si están duritos estoy excitada, responde otra.
Pues para mà es súper fácil: me meto un choclo en la vagina; si salen palomitas (pop corn, rosetas, etc.) estoy excitada.
Van dos sacerdotes caminando por la calle y en sentido contrario viene una bella mujer que se está pudriendo de lo buenota que está. De pronto sopla el viento, le levanta la falda y se le ven unos carnosos muslos y una cadera suculenta.
Padre, ¿usted no es sensible a estas situaciones? dice uno de los sacerdotes.
¡Hermano, si la sotana fuera de hierro usted hubiese quedado sordo del campanazo!
¿Cuál es la diferencia entre una novia, una amante y una esposa?
Que la novia te dice ¡ay, que dulce!, la amante dice ¡ay, que vigor!, y la esposa dice:
Hay que pagar la luz, hay que pagar el teléfono, hay que pagar el cable…
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.
“Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?†asked the doctor.
“Sure, after the police leave,†replied the attorney.