Old and New Jokes

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 118lbs., known to vary from 110 to 550lbs.
Occurence: Copious quantities throughout the world.
Physical properties: Surface usually covered with a painted field and a variety of esthers. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. Melts when given special treatment. Bitter if incorrectly used. Found in states varying from virgin metal to common ore. Yields to pressure applied at correct points. Chemical properties: Has a genuine affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Absorbs great quantities of attention. VOLATILE: May explode without warning for no apparent reason. Insoluble in water, but activity greatly increased with alcohol. Most common uses: Primarily ornamental, especially in sports cars. Found to be a great aid to relaxation. Tests: Pure specimen turns rosey pink when discovered in its natural state. Turns green when placed next to a fresher specimen. Hazards: Hard to retain when left in inexperienced hands. Illegal (not to mention deadly) to possess more than one at a time.