Old and New Jokes

You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.

You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.

Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he has to go through a whole box to find just the right one.

En los tiempos antiguos, un caballero se va a las Cruzadas y se despide de sus familiares y amigos:

Como vuestras mercedes saben, me voy a luchar a Tierra Santa para mayor gloria de la cristiandad, y es muy posible que no vuelva. Ésta es la llave del cinturón de castidad de mi esposa, si pasaren 10 años sin que supiereis nada de mí, tened la merced de dársela.

El hidalgo sale del castillo en su blanco corcel y apenas ha cruzado la puerta del castillo, cuando un sirviente sale corriendo y le grita:

¡Don Diego, noble señor, gracias a Dios que le he alcanzado, nos ha dado la llave equivocada!

Copulation without representation.

Yo mama so ugly she makes Michael Jackson look pretty.

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train.
The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away… Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle thru it. All the others are quite impressed.
The Cuban takes out a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigare and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away…. Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.
At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer through it…

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some dont have film.

These tagline are in the Tom Swifty tradition of humor:

You tell em Bald Head, youre smooth.
You tell em Banana, youve been skinned.
You tell em Bank, youre safe.
You tell em Bean, Hes stringing you.
You tell em Brake, youve got the drag.
You tell em Butcher, youve got a lot of tongue.
You tell em Cabbage, youve got the head.
You tell em Cat, Thats what youre fur.
You tell em Chloroform, you can put them to sleep.
You tell em Church Bell, I told you.
You tell em Clock, youve got the time.
You tell em Dentist, youve got the pull.
You tell em Hard-Boiled Egg, youre hard to beat.
You tell em June, And dont July.
You tell em Manicurist, Ive been trimmed.
You tell em Mountain, Im only a bluff.
You tell em Operator, youve got their number.
You tell em Printer, Im not your type.
You tell em Railroad, Its not along my line.
You tell em Skyscraper, you have more than one story.
You tell em Teacher, youve got the class.

Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnnys test again?

Jeff: But how did you know?

Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down I dont know. And you put down Me neither.