A little boy named little Johny runs upto his mom from outside and says Mommy, can little girls have babies?
Oh course not replies the mom and starts chopping some onions.
Great! Then little Johny runs outside and yells ITS OK! WE CAN PLAY THE GAME AGAIN!
If I had one cricket ball in one hand, and another cricket ball in the other hand, what would I have?
A bloody big cricket.
Whats the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, Civil engineers build targets
Whats the difference between a vaccum cleaner and a motorcycle?
A motorcycle can hold two dirtbags.
If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel,
youre probably heading the wrong way.
Q: How long does it take Osama Bin Ladens mother to take a crap?
A: Apparently, 9 months…
A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits a Cornish farmer.
So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep? Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.
Thats very interesting, replies the researcher and he leaves the Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midlands Farmer.
So, Midlands farmer, how do you shag your sheep?
Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall.
Thats very interesting, replies the researcher. Thats how they do it in Cornwall too. And he leaves the Midlands farmer. Then he meets a farmer from Abergaveny.
So, Abergaveny farmer, how do you shag your sheep?
Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boots and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over my shoulders.
Over your shoulders? replies the researcher. Dont you put them over a wall like everyone else?
What? says the farmer. And miss out on all the kissing?!
Only if it makes you late for the ceremony.
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, Ill do anything you want for 50 bucks.
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two fives, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the womans hand and says, Here…paint my house.
You might be a redneck if…
Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.