Un tipo camina lentamente por una playa e, indignado, hace comentarios:
¡Qué plabeyos!… ¡Qué cabrones!… ¡Cagaron toda la playa!… No hay donde poner el pie… Todo está lleno de mierda… Y nadie lo limpia… ¡Oh, por fin! ¡Hay un pedazo limpio!
Y se agacha para echar una cagadita.
What does the Jewish Santa Claus say?
Ho ho ho! Any of you kids wanna buy some toys?
Real Mothers . . .
Real Mothers dont eat quiche; they dont have time to makeit.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesnt come out of shag carpets.
Real Mothers dont want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask why me? and get their answer when a little voice says, because I love you best.
Real Mothers know that a childs growth is not measured by height or years or grade . . . It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
Why dont women have any brains?
Because they dont have any testicles to put them in.
A married lady was entertaining the Pizza delivery man in her bedroom when all at once they heard a car door slam. The young man jumped out the window forgetting his clothes and the fact that he was still wearing a condom.
He hid in the bushes wondering how he was ever going to get home when he saw a group of joggers coming down the street. He figures he will just join in and maybe not be noticed.
As he is running along, the man next to him asks, Do you always jog naked? and the young man replied that yes he did.
Then the other gentleman asked Do you always wear a condom?
The young man looked heavenward and replied Looks like rain.
This wad told to me by a librarian. Reference work must be dull at times.
Robin
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
My fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I
think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a
fresh, bipolar approach.
I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city,
and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans
have made their decision. They dont need sympathy; they need
ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes.
Politics doesnt have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie
higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their
family on the table.
Thats my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record
is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing Streets in Laredo.
(Music break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his
baseball teams families, but of all American families. I dont
believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and
who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong,
black or right. Or perversely. Thats why my tax cut is as broad as we
are. And it will give our expansion a timely second dose of wind.
(Zantac commercial)
I say theres a cost to inaction. I havent done the acrobatics, but
its probably around a trillion dollars. Thats a good round sum to
offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our
nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara
Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a
lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their lifes work
to those they love, and especially to pass on.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
(Applause; tears)
We know that America is the best in the world. We are the great
super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world
of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate.
We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: I
do not believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do
believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must
never run our lives.
(Exxon commercial)
The purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches
every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches
and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by
common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I
was one myself. Im less now. But Im also more. We are all less and
more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate
hearts to our preservative minds.
I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw
to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire
and untie. I will appeal to peoples better angles. I will prove that
politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust
the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can
do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom.
Thank you, and God help America.
WHO HAS MORE BUTTS THAN THE PLAYBOY MANSION. AN ASHTRAY