Old and New Jokes

Había una pareja de enamorados que estaban desesperados por su situación económica, así que la chica se arma de valor y le dice al enamorado:

Carlos ya no aguanto más, me voy a los Estados Unidos a conseguir trabajo, y la condenada toma sus maletas y se larga.

Despues de tres meses, al enamorado le llega un telegrama con el titulo P.P.P, el enamorado angustiado lo lee:

P: POCA PLATA.

P: PELIGRA POTO.

P: POSIBLE PUTA.

Así que el enamorado apenado le responde y al cabo de una semana la chica recibe un telegrama urgente que se titulaba C.C.C, el cual decía:

C: COBRA CARO.

C: CUIDA CULO.

C: CARIÑOS CARLOS.

Q: What do you call a prostitute that doesnt

care about money?





A: A blonde

The Jewish civilization is 6000 years old.

The Christian civilization is 2000 years old.

This implies that for 4000 years, the Jews had to persecute themselves.

Posted at a local golf club:

1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

2. Form a loose grip.

3. Keep your head down.

4. Avoid a quick back swing.

5. Stay out of the water.

6. Try not to hit anyone.

7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.

8. Dont stand directly in front of others.

9. Quiet please … while others are preparing to go.

10. Dont take extra strokes. Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.

Hello, Mr. Brown, said the sales rep. Im calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still havent sent us a single payment.

The customer replied, But you said theyd pay for THEMSELVES in 12 months.

A: None: Real Men arent afraid of the dark.

A: None of your damn business!

Top 10 Halloween Things That Sound Dirty…

10. Shes a goblin!

9. Id like to get a little something in the sack.

8. Let me see your bag….OH!-Youre having a great night!

7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.

6. Shes got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch

5. If you just lick it, itll last longer.

4. Show me your JuJuBees and Ill let you see my Zagnuts.

3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth,

2. You scared me stiff!

1. Hes got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but its not legal.

That doesnt matter, replied the blonde, if I only can sell the car.

Okay, said the brunette.

Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car.

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, Did you sell your car? No, replied the blonde, why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.

Heard on the local radio station (SUNNY 95 in Columbus Ohio)

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:

Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years.
All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday
I was intimate with an 18 year old.

Father: When was the last time you made a confession?

Man: I never have, I am Jewish.

Father: Then why are telling me all this?

Man: I am telling everybody …

You might be a redneck if…
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.