Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10
Jul
10
Jul
Good listeners are not only popular everywhere, but after awhile they know something.
10
Jul
DeVriess Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you dont want hits the paper.
10
Jul
Marketing is a foreign language unto itself:
GM cars: Originally sold in Belgium using the slogan, Body by Fisher, which translated as Corpse by Fisher.
The Jotter: A pen made by Parker. In some Latin countries, jotter is slang for jockstrap.
Puffs tissues: In Germany, puff is slang for whorehouse.
Cue toothpaste: Marketed in France by Colgate-Palmolive until they learned that Cue is also the name of a popular pornographic magazine.
Schweppes Tonic Water: The company changed the name from Schweppes Tonic Water to Schweppes Tonica when they learned that in Italian, il water means the bathroom.
The Ford Caliente: Marketed in Mexico, until Ford found out caliente is slang for streetwalker. Ford changed the name to S-22.
The Rolls-Royce Silver Myst: In German, mist means human waste. (Clairols Mist Stick curling iron had the same problem.)
Laying pipe: When the Sumitomo Corporation in Japan developed an extremely strong steel pipe, they hired a Japanese advertising agency to market it in the United States.
Big mistake: The agency named the pipe Sumitomo High Toughness and launched a major magazine advertising campaign using the products initials–SHT–in catchy slogans like SHT–from Sumitomo, and Now, Sumitomo brings SHT to the United States. Each ad ended with the assurance that SHT was made to match its name.
The Big Mac: Originally sold in France under the name Gros Mec. The expression means big pimp in French.
10
Jul
Your mammas so fat when she wears a yellow rain coast outside I yell TAXI!
10
Jul
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard!
10
Jul
You might be a redneck if…
You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
10
Jul
Q: What do you call a proctologist from Jamaica?
A: PokeMon!
10
Jul
What went through the flys mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
10
Jul
Sardarji is sitting on a tree branch and sawing it.
A passerby warns him Sardarji, youre gonna fall down! Hardly, says he and falls.
Then he looks after the passer-by and mumbles Must have been a wizard.