Knock Knock
Whos there?
John!
John who!
John the Navy!
12
May
12
May
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: Have you ever been arrested?
He answered no to the question.
The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was why? Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it Never got caught.
12
May
Q: How many real programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Real programmers prefer LEDs.
12
May
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
12
May
Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, Theyre driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and Im half-way to the nut hatch.
What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself, her friend said.
So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.
Superb! I cant believe it, Mary said. I get in that pen with a good book and the kids dont bother me one bit!
By the way – Mary is blonde.
12
May
Q: Why did the chicken say, Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?
A: He was studying foreign languages
12
May
One day, a little boy went to his father daddy, is God male or female? and his father answered Well son, God is both male and female.Then the boy asked Daddy, is God black or white? and his father answered well son, God is both black and white.Then the boy asked Daddy, is God gay or straight? and his father said well son, God is both gay and straight.The boy was quiet for a while and seemed to be thinking. Finally he broke the silence by saying Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?
12
May
[Ed: Edited ]
Oscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving
class, he dove out of the airplane and pulled the ripcord. The chute
emerged, tangled, and he cut it free. He then pulled the cord on the
reserve chute, and it also was tangled. He prayed to his God and looked
down to the ground below. To his amazement, a woman was coming up
with equal velocity.
Hey, you know anything about parachutes? he shouted to her, as they passed
by.
The reply: No… you know anything about Coleman stoves?
12
May
A guy goes into a doctors office and sits down in the waiting room. After a few minutes, he hears a series of screams and moans from the examining rooms, followed by a hastily departing nun. Moments later the doctor appears, with an immensely satisfied grin on his face. Man: What on earth happened back there? Doc: I just told Sister Mary she was pregnant. Man: Goodness, is she? Doc: Of course not. Man: Well then, that was an awful thing to say! Doc: On the contrary, it cured her hiccups.
12
May
Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, We need some four-by-twos.
The clerk said, You mean two-by-fours, dont you?
The man said, Ill go check, and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.
Alright. How long do you need them?
The customer paused for a minute and said, Id better go check. After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, A long time. Were gonna build a house.