Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
23
May
23
May
Llega un hombre a una verdulerÃa y pide medio melón. El empleado le dice que no puede venderle medio melón; ante la insistencia del cliente, el empleado decide ir a consultar con el gerente.
Mire, acá hay un pelotudo que quiere comprar medio melón.
El gerente le hace señas de que el cliente lo siguió y está detrás de él; entonces, el empleado reacciona:
¡Por suerte, aquà tenemos a este buen hombre que quiere comprar la otra mitad!
El gerente felicita al empleado por la manera en que salió de la situación y decide mandarlo a un local que tiene en Guadalajara. Sin embargo, el empleado se enoja y reclama:
Pero en Guadalajara son todas putas y futbolistas.
¡Mi mamá vive allÃ!, dice el gerente.
¿Ah, s� ¿En que equipo juega?
23
May
Una pareja está haciendo el amor descosidamente sobre la cama. De pronto, el hombre le pide a la mujer:
¡Hazme el pino delante del espejo!
La tipa, extrañada, le hace caso: se pone mirando al espejo y le hace el pino con las piernas abiertas.
Entonces, el fulano se le acerca y coloca su rostro encima del coño y le pregunta:
¿Me queda bien la perilla?
23
May
You have reached the private secure CIA hotline.
This call has been traced, and you may expect 30 angry agents to kick down your door at any moment.
[BEEP]
23
May
Do you know why the French wear turtlenecks?
– To hide their flea collars.
23
May
A little girl became restless as the preachers sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?
23
May
yo momma so nasty her crabs uses her tampon string as a bungee cord
23
May
A young boy comes in from playing with his friend to ask his father a question. Dad, what is a penis?
I will show you, the father says, unzipping his fly. That, my son, is a perfect penis.
The boy returns to his young playmate outside. So? What did your father say? the friend asks.
The young boy unzips his pants and says, This is a penis – and if it was four inches shorter it would be a *perfect* penis.
23
May
How Come No One Fights in Big Famous Nations Anymore?, they ask
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — A delegation of American high school students today demanded the United States stop waging war in obscure nations such as Afghanistan, Kuwait, and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and instead attack places theyve actually heard of, such as France, Australia, and Austria, unless, they said, those last two are the same country.
People claim we dont know as much geography as our parents and grandparents, but its so not our fault, Josh Beldoni, a senior at Fischer High School in Los Angeles, told the Senate Armed Services Committee. Back then they only had wars in, like, Germany and England, but were supposed to know about places like Somalia and Massachusetts.
Macedonia, corrected committee Chairman Carl Levin of Michigan.
See? said Beldoni.
Beldonis frustration was shared by nearly three dozen students at the hearing, who blamed the U.S. military for making them look bad.
I totally support our soldiers and all that, but I am seriously failing both geography and social studies because I keep getting asked to find Croatia or Yemvrekia, or whatever bizarre-o country we send troops to, said Amelia Nash, a junior at Clark High School in Orlando, Fla. Cant we fight in, like, Italy? Its boot-shaped.
Chairman Levin however, explained that Italy was a U.S. ally, and that intervention is usually in response to a specific threat.
OK, what about Arulco? interrupted Tyler Boone, a senior at Bellevue High School in Wisconsin. Thats a country in Jagged Alliance 2 run by the evil Queen Deidranna. Im totally familiar with that place. Shes a major threat.
Jagged … ? said Levin.
Alliance. Its a computer game.
Well, no, Levin answered. We cant attack a fictional country.
Yeah right, Boone mumbled. Like Grenada was real.
The students testimony was supported by a cross-section of high school geography teachers, who urged the committee to help lay a solid foundation for Americas young people by curtailing any intervention abroad.
Since the anti-terror war began, most of my students can now point to Afghanistan on a map, which is fine, but those same kids still dont know the capitals of Nevada and Ohio, said Richard Gerber, who teaches at Rhymony High School in Atlanta. I think we need to cut back on our activities overseas and take care of business at home, and if that means invading Tallahassee (Fla.) or Trenton (N.J.) so that students learn where they are, so be it.
Ive always wanted to stick it to Hartford (Conn.), said Sen. Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island. Oh shit, is my microphone on?
The hearing adjourned after six hours. An estimated 2,000 more students were expected to hold a march in the nations capital, but forgot which city it was in.
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May
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