Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Datsun!
Datsun who?
Datsun old joke!

There was an englishman irishman and a scotsman who worked on a buildin site.



it was time for their dinner so the englishman opened his bait box and said if i get cheese sandwiches tommorrow i will throw myself off that bridge the scotsman and irishman say the same





so the next day comes and the englishman has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge



the scotsman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge and the irishman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge





at the funeral the wives meet up and the englishmans wife says i could of just made him another kind of sandwich the scotsmans wife says i would of got another kind of cheese the irishmans wife says i do not know why he jumped he made his own sandwiches.

What would Obi Wan say to his noisy sons.



Obi quiet.

What do you call a sheep tied to a pole in the middle of Wales?

A leisure centre!

You might be a redneck if your babys first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."

Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer.

So she called John, the computer guy, over to her desk. John clicked a few buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, So, what was wrong?

And he replied, It was an ID ten T error.

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judys face. An ID ten T error? Whats that … in case I need to fix it again??

He gave her a grin … 😉 … Havent you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

No, replied Judy.

Write it down, he said, and I think youll figure it out.

(She wrote…) I D 1 0 T

Two Americans decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico. They set up on the square of a small village. Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isnt able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and scratches.Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him. The third time it happens, Bob comes back pretty messed up – hes got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, "Holy cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?"Bob looks confused and says, "No, the cord was fine… but what the heck is a pinata?"

An American paratrooper jumped out of a plain. But his parachute did not open. Falling to the ground he saw a black dot moving towards him. He didnt know what it was, until he recognized a man.

Hello he shouted Im Jim, US Army. Do you know anything about parachutes ?

Nice to meet you the man replied Im Sjefke (Belgian). But sorry, I dont know anything about parachutes. Do you know anything about gas ovens?

What do Monica and Bob Dole have in common? Theyre both upset Clinton finished first.

They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence. Turns out he didnt tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.

How will Clinton build his bridge to the 21st century? Apparently while part of a federal prison work release program.

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate labrador.