¡Pienso hablar seriamente con mi mujer y le diré que a partir de mañana compartiremos los deberes de la casa!
¡Vaya! eres un marido considerado.
¡No, lo que pasa es que yo no puedo con todo!
04
Jul
04
Jul
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.
The second Catholic woman chirps, My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace.
The third Catholic woman says smugly, My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Eminence.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle Well…?
She replies, My son is a gorgeous, 62, hard-bodied stripper………… Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Oh my God….
04
Jul
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ima!
Ima who?
Ima girl who cant say no…!
04
Jul
K. M. Reese, Newscripts, Chemical & Engineering News
(26 Jun 89), p. 64:
An economist, incidentally, is a chap who,
when asked for his social security number, gives an estimate.
04
Jul
This poor guy received a slight variation of the tatoo treatment, we painted a treasure map in his stomach with genciana violet (a purple dye that last about a week).
But just when you think it was safe, I put in his lugagge, 5 POUNDS OF RICE! (witout a bag, gee, i forgot the bag) and a note: Sorry i couldnt toss this rice at you at the church!
I wish I could have been there when he had opened his suitcase, and imagine the explanation to the hotel maid about all that rice on the floor of the room!
Also check the Part 1
04
Jul
The programmer to his son: Here, I brought you a new basketball.
Thank you, Pa, but where is the users guide and manuals?
04
Jul
A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.
The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.
The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, Hey, what do you think youre doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now youre just going to leave?
The panda bear answers calmlly, Im a panda bear. The bartender says, Yeah, so? The panda bear replies, Look it up, and walks out the door.
The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up panda bear, and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear.
He reads the caption, which says, Panda Bear–a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves.
04
Jul
A man went to a movie theater and was suprised to see that in the seat in front of him sat a man and his dog. The dog was clearly watching the movie with understanding, because he snarled at the villain whenever he spoke, yelped at the funny remarks, and so on. At the end of the movie, the man tapped the dog owners shoulder and says excuse me, but I cant get over your dogs behavior. The owner said I know, me too. After all He hated the book.
04
Jul
A young English woman, Polly Martin, met and fell in love with a Yank during WWII. He was a reporter and battlefield artist attached to the military. His name was Wally Woodword and whenever there was any battlefield action Wally would make quick sketches on the front lines which he would later turn into proper drawings from which he wrote his reports.
Now, Polly and her friend Susan worked for the Ministry of Defense as did many young English women and the department they worked in was one that allowed them to know a lot of interesting information – including the exact date of the Normandy Invasion.
The day before the invasion Polly was telling Susan that she planned to spirit her reporter boyfriend away next day and take him on a picnic out in the country.
But, you cant do that, Susan replied. Why not? Her friend asked.
Polly, Wally doodles all D-Day!
04
Jul
Good Afternnoon, Ridge Hall, computer assistant; may I help you?
Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.
What sort of trouble?
Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
away.
Went away?
They disappeared.
Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.
Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
How do I tell?
Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Whats a sea-prompt?
Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
There isnt any cursor: I told you, it wont accept anything I type.
Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Whats a monitor?
Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when its on?
I dont know.
Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?
……Yes, I think so.
Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if its plugged into
the wall.
……Yes, it is.
When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
No.
Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable.
……Okay, here it is.
Follow it for me, and tell me if its plugged securely into the back
of your computer.
I cant reach.
Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
No.
Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Oh, its not because I dont have the right angle-its because its
dark.
Dark?
Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window.
Well, turn on the office light then.
I cant.
No? Why not?
Because theres a power outage.
A power… A power outage? Aha! Okay, weve got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Really? Is it that bad?
Yes, Im afraid it is.
Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Tell them youre too stupid to own a computer!