1. Home is where you hang your @
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:/ is the root of all directories.
8. Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modern is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don’t byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. In Gates we trust.
19. Virtual reality is its own reward.
20. Modulation in all things.
21. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
22. There’s no place like http://www.home.com
23. Know what to expect before you connect.
24. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when we practice.
25. Speed thrills.
26. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the NET and he won’t bother you for weeks
I dont have a joke link, I make my jokes from scratch.
Beer is for idiots, relatives are an exception.
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings cannot be wrong.
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, and you shouldve seen the light bulb! It must have been thiiiiis big.
A Sailor and a Marine are taking a leak in the head. The Sailor finishes and goes for the door. The Marine finishes and heads for the sink.
He calls out to the Sailor, Hey! Aren t you going to wash you hand? In The Corps they taught us to wash up afterwards.
The Sailor replies, Well, in the Navy they just told us not to piss on our hands.
A Marine walks in to the head. A little boy who was on his way out looks at him, smiles, and asks, Are you a REAL Marine?
The Marine replies, Why yes I am son… Say – you want to wear my hat?
The boy replies, Sure mister!, and put the hat on his head. As the Marine entered a stall the boy placed himself on guard duty by the door. Shortly, a Sailor entered the head.
The little boy again looked up, smiled, and asked, Are you a REAL Sailor?
The Sailor replied, Why yes I am… You wanna suck my dick?
The little boy quickly took the hat off his head and said, Oh no – Im not a real Marine – Im just wearing his hat!
My love for you… it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.
Im here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
Lie down with me — its my final offa,
Or youll be lying wit Jimmy Hoffa.
I picked up this card from a slim selection
But thats all they offer here in witness protection.
Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or Ill have to whack your ass.
Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car — So why aint you dead?
The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look
Youd bear a son, and now thats done, So shut your mouth and cook!
Youse da greatest. Youse da best.
But youre as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and youll keep your fingers.
Hope da chocolates is good, but yknow, dis aint really what a guys heart looks like.
When a goon makes you die,
Cuz you told him goodbye — thats amore!
You are a redneck,if your prom date is your brother, or if you got to the prom in your fathers pick-up truck!
Q: Mr. Gates why are you so ugly? You look like a nerd.A: Simple, Im already a billionaire. If I looked handsome and fashionable, people would be jealous.
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had all of the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: This bull mated 50 times last year.The wife turns to her husband and says, He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: This bull mated 65 times last year.The wife turns to her husband and says, This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month! You can learn from this one, also.They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: This bull mated 365 times last year.The wifes mouth drops open and says, WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.The man turns to his wife and says, Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He starts eating the beer nuts at the bar and he hears a voice say,
Wow! You look GREAT tonight!
The man looks over at the bartender who didnt say anything and just keeps drinking and eating beer nuts and he hears something again!
Thats an awesome shirt! You are amazing!
He looks around and hes the only guy in the place so asks the bartender if he had heard anything and the bartender says, Was the voice saying bad things or good things?
And the man replies, Good things, why?
And the bartender says, It must have been the complimentary nuts.