Knock Knock
Whos there?
Les!
Les who?
Les go for a swim!
12
Jun
12
Jun
The Differences:
HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because youre too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit cancel
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12A Hit cancel
12B Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in gear, reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake
12
Jun
The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere.
12
Jun
What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?
They both heard a giant sucking sound!
12
Jun
A woman comes to a gynecologist for a checkup. She seems to be very embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Havent you been examined like this before? asks the doctor.
Many times, she giggles, but never by doctor!
12
Jun
You might be a redneck if…
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
12
Jun
Caer-Philly
12
Jun
It had promised to be a sensational divorce case, with the wife accused of incredible escapades. Testifying before her own attorney, she projected an image of sweet innocence, told a tale of wifely fidelity and sacrifice, and was quite believable.
When it was time for cross-examination though, the husbands lawyer arose and said, Isnt it true that on the night of June 12, in a driving rainstorm, you had sexual intercourse with a certain circus midget on the handle bars of a careening motorcycle as it raced across a private golf course reaching speeds in excess of seventy-five miles per hour?
She turned pale but retained her remarkable self-control and composure.
Her voice was almost serene in its innocence as she asked, What was that date again ?
12
Jun
- I need to whip it out by 5!
- Mind if I use your laptop?
- Put it in my box before I leave.
- If I have to lick one more, Ill gag!
- I want it on my desk, NOW!
- HMMMMMMMMMMMMM … I think its out of fluid.
- My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
- Its an entry-level position.
- When do you think youll be getting off today?
AND NUMBER 1
- Its not fair … I do all the work while he just sits there.
12
Jun
She told me, a women complained to a friend, that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her.
Well, replied her friend in a hurt tone, I told her not to tell you I told her.
Oh dear! sighed the first women. Well, dont tell her I told you that she told me.