Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
03
May
03
May
Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents?
A: Absolutely nothing.
03
May
Q: What do call someone who sees the glass in front of him half full?
A: An optimist.
03
May
En la facultad de medicina de una prestigiosa universidad, varios estudiantes están en el laboratorio de fisiologÃa. El médico profesor, como es su costumbre, inicia la clase con una pregunta sobre los temas vistos en el laboratorio anterior y, para ello, escoge al azar a una alumna que no habÃa estudiado.
El profesor pregunta:
Señorita, dÃgame: ¿cuántos mililitros eyacula, en promedio, un hombre?
La alumna, nerviosa, responde: 200 mililitros, profesor.
El profesor, muy circunspecto, la mira y comenta:
Señorita, temo decirle que a usted la mearon.
03
May
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
03
May
What is the difference between an Italian grandmother
and a Jewish grandmother?
One says, If you dont eat, Ill kill you, and the
other says, If you dont eat, Ill kill myself.
03
May
This pirate had a parrot and all it every said was Polly wanna cracker. One day the parrot was sitting on the pirates shoulder and it kept saying Polly wanna cracker, Polly wanna cracker.
The pirate said, This is your warning. If you dont shut up, Im goin to flush you.
The parrot said, Polly wanna cracker, Polly wannna cracker.
The pirate said, Thats you being flushed. So the pirate flushes the parrot and the parrot sings Floating down the river on a Hershey Bar.
03
May
Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)This project is so important, we cant let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! Weve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and Ill let you know when its time to tell them. (R&D supervisor,
Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldnt edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say. (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)How About Friday? My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He
then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, That would be better for me. (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees. (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)We recently received a memo from senior management saying: This is to
03
May
Get another sweet little old lady to call out BINGO!
03
May
From Bob & Tom : With a little help from our friends Q-95 radio Indianapolis:
Jeff Marder asks–Do you think the Pope ever French kisses the ground
of a country he really likes??