Old and New Jokes

Llega una señora con su hija a una farmacia. La mamá pedía algunas cosas mientras la niña curioseaba en el mostrador y le pregunta a su mamá:

Oye mamá ¿que es condón?

La mamá se asombra y le dice: Es algo para que no te embaraces.

Después de un rato la niña dice a su mamá:

Mira, mamá, ese paquete trae dos.

Cállate, ese es para los de prepa, uno el sábado y otro el domingo.

Mira mamá, ese trae tres.

Cállate, ese es para los de universidad, uno el viernes otro el sábado y otro el domingo.

Mira mamá, ese trae 12.

Ese es para tu papá, uno en enero, otro en febrero, otro en marzo…

En una ocasión, se reunieron unos veteranos de guerra para platicar sobre las experiencias que les habian ocurrido durante la guerra. Uno de ellos comenta:

No me van a creer, pero en una ocasión, iba corriendo por el campo enemigo y ¿qué creen?, caí dentro de una letrina.

Sus amigos le contestan:

NO PUEDE SER POSIBLE, y bueno, dinos hasta donde te impregnaste de mierda.

Pues hasta los tobillos.

Y sus amigos le comentan:

Aaaaa bueno, por lo menos no estaba tan llena.

¡Lo malo es que caí de cabeza!

Once there was an man living between people wich made lots of noises at night and day.

The one who left was a music teacher,she learns the children day and just before night.The violens make sqeaky sounds, and piano is false.





On the right side lives a mechanic wich makes loud noises day and night.Cling,clang you no what I mean.





On that day the man decided that this must stop at once.He shouts,I cant take it anymore!.The next day he goes over to the musical teacher and gives her a hand full of money and told her she must buy her a new house.The same day he goes over to the mechanic and gives him all the money he has left,and asked him just to leave the next day.And they both agreed.





The next day the man helped the music teacher with the piano down the stairs and asked her where she is moving to.





Then she said,———————





I heard the man next door was also looking for a place,now hes gonna move in my house and I in his.

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him. The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzah.

Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man.

Several minutes later, the blind man turns taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, Who wrote this junk?

A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Whats the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A:


Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, Ive called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokepersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but hes blowing up the world tommorrow. So, Bill Clinton went back and said, Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is hes blowing up the world tommorrow. Colin Powell went back and said, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is hes blowing up the world tommorrow. Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the Internet and said, I have some good news. The first part of the good news is Ive been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved.

Parking Space:

an unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire plug.
an unoccupied area along a curb on the opposite side of the street.
something you see when you dont have your car.
that area that disappears while you are making a U-turn.

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed of her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, Is that for sale?

Of course not! she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchagrined, he replied quietly, Then, I suggest you quit advertising it.

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.

"Theyre all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, thats easy," she said. "I just call David, and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, David, come eat your dinner," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, thats easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"