Knock Knock
Whos there?
Agnes!
Agnes who?
Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe!
08
Sep
08
Sep
Your so ugly and nerdy that whenever you get your ass kicked and wind up on the floor, even it rejects you!
08
Sep
The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and
women lay better.
08
Sep
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ollie!
Ollie who?
Ollie time you say that, I wish you would cut it out!
08
Sep
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
08
Sep
Compact home incinerator used for the disposal of bulky
pieces of meat and poultry.
08
Sep
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the days route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I cant get out of the room!" "You cant get out of yourroom?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only threedoors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one hasa sign on it that says Do Not Disturb!"
08
Sep
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.
Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? Im in hell.
Devil: Hells not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure I love to drink.
Devil: Well youre gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays thats all we do. Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab… We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Devil: All right! Youre gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, its okay…youre already dead!
Guy: No way!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. Weve even opened up a Pai Gow poker table.
Guy: Hmmm, Ive never played pai gow before …
Devil: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love drugs! You dont mean …
Devil: Thats right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of your head. You can do all the drugs you want. If you overdose? Its okay! Youre already dead!!
Guy: Yes! I never realized that hell was such a swinging place!!
Devil: So… are you gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Devil: Ooooh (grimaces), you are gonna HATE Fridays!
08
Sep
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
All set back here, Captain, came the reply, except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.
08
Sep
After reading Samathas joke I must say she
only told half the story! Mickey went to
divorce court. The judge turned to Mickey and
asked:So you want a divorce because you
think your wife is crazy?
No replied Mickey I didnt say she was
crazy! I said she was fucking Go