Newt Gingrich says that the major networks should give free air time to anti drug messages. For example, they should come on during your favorite show and talk about how drugs and alcohol are a dead end street… and now back to Nash Bridges starring Cheech Marin and Don Johnson. (Maher)
25
May
25
May
There was a group of scientists and they were all sitting around discussing which one of them was going to go to God and tell Him that they didnt need him anymore.
One of the scientists volunteered and went to go tell God he was no longer needed.
The scientist says to God – God, you know, a bunch of us have been thinking and Ive come to tell you that we really dont need you anymore. I mean, weve been coming up with great theories and ideas, weve cloned sheep, and were on the verge of cloning humans. So as you can see, we really dont need you.
God nods understandingly and says. I see. Well, no hard feelings.
But before you go lets have a contest. What do you think?
The scientist says, Sure. What kind of contest?
God: A man-making contest.
The scientist: Sure! No problem.
The scientist bends down and picks up a handful of dirt and says, Okay, Im ready!
God replies, No, no, no… You go get your own dirt.
25
May
Q:what is the difference between Bill Gates and a viberator?
A:a viberator is an artificial dick!
25
May
Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola Bottling Group (NYSE PBG) as a power beverage, suitable for use as-is, or a mixer, under the name Mount and Do.
Pepsis proposed ad campaign suggests:
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
25
May
Virtue is its own punishment.
25
May
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question: Mom, why are wedding dresses white?
The mother looks at her son and replies, Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. Dad why are wedding dresses white?
The father looks at his son in surprise and says… Son, all household appliances come in white!
25
May
Q: How do you confuse a Polak (polish guy)?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to pee in the corner.
25
May
A man was walking along a sidewalk in a very gentle manner, almost as if he were walking on eggs. Two doctors, also on foot, were across the street. They spotted the man and began to discuss his condition. Prostrate trouble, said the first doctor.
Oh no, not at all. Thats a case of hemorrhoids if ever I saw one, said the other.
They tossed it back and forth until one of them suggested going over to talk to the man. Mister, this gentleman and I are both doctors, said one, and if youll pardon our intrusion, I figured you have a bad prostrate problem, but my colleague thought it to be hemorrhoids. Might you state the problem so that we can solve our little dilemma?
Well, said the man, all three of us were wrong. I thought it was gas.
25
May
The seven dwarfs were in a Catholic church. They were sitting near
the rear and as the priest was speaking, they whispered and giggled
amongst themselves, causing quite a disturbance. All of a sudden,
Dopey stands up and says, Priest, are there any midget nuns in the
church ? No, said the priest, There are no midget nuns in the
church. A little time passed and the dwarfs were again whispering and
giggling amongst themselves causing quite a disturbance and noticeably
angering the priest.
Soon, Dopey stands up again and asks, Priest, are there any midget
nuns in the city?
No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the city or in the church.
says
the priest. Again the dwarfs resume their annoying giggling to the
dismay of the priest.
Once again, Dopey stands up and asks Priest, are there any midget
nuns in the state?
No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the state, in the city, and no
midget nuns in the church. exclaimed the priest, obviously upset. The
dwarfs continue their interference.
Dopey stands up and asks, Priest, are there any midget nuns in the
country?
The priest, totally angered, exclaims No, my son, there are no midget
nuns in the church, in the city, in the state, no midget nuns in the
country, there are no midget nuns in the whole world!!! Now sit
down!!!!!
Soon afterwards, a chant can be heard from the rear of the church,
Dopey f-ked a penguin. Dopey f-ked a penguin. Dopey f-ked a
penguin.
25
May
Apparently a computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 . When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you.