A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
Im afraid I dont have a husband, she replies.
O.K. do you have a boyfriend?, asks the Midwife.
No, no boyfriend either.
Do you have a partner then?
No, Im unattached, Ill be having the baby on my own.
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black.
Well, replies the girl. I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black.
Oh, Im very sorry, says the midwife, thats really none of my business and Im sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair.
Well yes, the girl again replies, you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?
Oh, Im sorry, the midwife repeats, thats really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes.
Well yes, continues the girl, I was incredibly hard up and there was a Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice.
At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the rear. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, Well thank God for that!
What do you mean?! says the midwife, shocked.
Well, says the girl extremely relieved, I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark.
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
A little girl asked her mother, Can I go outside and play with the boys?
Her mother replied, No, you cant play with the boys, theyre too rough.
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?
If a month would be only 24 hrs long, we would get paid every day and women would bleed to death.
E-Mail flames from some guy named Fluffy.
Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
You find youve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like
alt.recreational.catnip.
Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/.
Your mouse has teeth marks in it … and a strange aroma of tuna.
Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of
CyberDog.
Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
On IRC youre known as the IronMouser.
Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
Written by Dave Fore.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But Im not allowed up on the couch!
There was a man who entered a local papers pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q2: Whats the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
Q: How do you keep a man from drowning? A: Take your foot off his head!
A doctor called up a fellow and said, Mr. Michaels I have some distressing news. As you know, your wife was in for some blood tests recently.
The guy says, Yes, thats right. Is there anything wrong?
Well, the doctor replies, heres the thing. Theres another women who came in for blood tests also and she has the exact same name as your wife. Now, the problem is, I got the results of their tests and one of them has aids and the other has Alzheimer’s.
Oh, my God, the man said, what will I do, doc?
Well, Ive been giving this some thought, said the doctor, and heres what you do. Take her for a ride out in the country. When you get way out there, throw her out of the car and take off fast.
Then what? says the distraught man.
Well…if she finds her way home, whatever you do, Dont have sex with her!