Youve run out of room on your arm from the tattoos of all wives names.
You refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all thats holding it together.
People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.
Uno sabe que es costarricense porque:
Crees que el jugo del limón cura casi todo.
Crees que un traguito de guaro cura todo lo demás.
Crees que aunque hayan otros equipos de fútbol, sólo existen la Liga y Saprisa.
Mañana significa ahorita.
Si un matrimonio, ceremonia, recepción, acto oficial, etc., comienza a las 8:00, llegas a las 10:00 y aún no ha llegado nadie.
Culpas a los ricos de tu situación económica.
Culpas a los pobres del crimen.
Culpas a los liberacionistas y a los mariachis por casi todo lo de más.
Culpas a los nicas por todo el resto.
Tienes más fe en un asaltante que en un policÃa.
Tienes más fe en un policÃa que en un sacerdote.
Tienes más fe en el alcalde que en el presidente.
Disfrutas tomar cerveza en cantidades industriales y siempre es un buen momento o hay un buen pretexto para echarse una.
Sabes que el café costarricense de exportación es uno de las mejores del mundo, pero que el que te dan aquà es de la broza, saborizantes, etc. Nada que ver con café puro.
En la mesa de un restaurante hay más celulares que platos con comida.
El lunes es popular. El martes las muchachas no pagan. El miércoles hay 2 x 1. El jueves es un viernes chiquitito. El viernes es de party. El sábado es de baile, y el domingo es para pasar la goma.
Al encargado de una tienda o puesto de comida rápida le llamas chamaco… aunque estés en Saks Fifth Avenue, N. Y. C. y éste tenga como 80 años.
Comes tostadas, mondongo, morcilla, chicharrones, etcétera… pero crees que las hamburguesas no son saludables.
Desayunas cereales e insistes en llamarlos CON FLEX.
A todos les llamas compa, primo, compadre, pero a tu verdadero hermano, le llamas playo.
Gritas a los cuatro vientos que Como Costa Rica no hay dos, ¡pero quisieras que fuera como Miami!
Star Trek Carols
Jean-Luc Picard (to the tune of Let It Snow)
Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go–
Make it so, make it so, make it so!
William Riker: (to the tune of Deck the Halls)
Heres a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When Im number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Wesley Crusher: (to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
Im at Starfleet Academy,
And Id just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day–
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, Im bright, though Im just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise was my most favourite toy!
Data: (to the tune of Jingle Bells)
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh–
or so I am reliably informed lacking a subjective
and intuitively perceived referent for the term fun,
I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced
by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the–
yes, sir.
Worf: (to be to the tune of White Christmas)
Im dreaming of a dead Pakled,
Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
They all think theyve hidden,
But this one didnt,
And Im using him as bait.
Im dreaming of a dead Pakled–
Their mental skills are rather lame.
May your foes die sonless, in shame–
And I hope youre wishing me the same!
An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.
Why did you do that? asks a passing giraffe.
Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago.
Wow, what a memory! says the giraffe.
Yes, says the elephant. Turtle recall.
These three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their
fathers are:
The first one says: Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow,
and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow.
The second one says: Ha! You think thats fast! My father is a hunter.
He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet.
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then
says: You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant.
He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!
Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.
Her friend saw this and said, Hey thats a good idea!
What is it that you put over your cigarette?
The other old lady said, Its a condom.
A condom? Where do you get those?
The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms.
The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, What size do you want?
One that would fit a Camel.
Our program,
Who art in memory,
Hello be thy name.
Thy spreadsheets be formatted,
thy code be downloaded,
from disk
as it will be in memory.
Give us on screen
our data spreads,
and forgive us our typos,
as we forgive those who ask that we document.
Lead us not into frustration,
but deliver us from glitches.
For thine is the algorithm,
the application,
and the solution,
looping forever and ever.
Return.
As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked Registration and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.
Exactly what do you do here? he asked.
Its quite simple, said the receptionist. This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature.
Cool, said the guy, count me in! So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, Beware of Gays. A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: Beware of Gays.
He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, Sorry, youve had two warnings!
Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from the military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree, quietly reading a book.
He said to her, Quick sister, please hide me I dont want to be drafted, and the M.P.s are chasing me!
She lifted up her skirt and said, Quick hide under here.
The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied, No.
After they left she told the young man to come out and that everything was going to be OK.
He thanked her and said, You have a nice set of legs for a nun!
She replied, If you reach up a little farther youll find a nice set of balls, too. Im not going to be drafted either!
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Nobody knows. It has never happened.