Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Butter!
Butter who?
Butter bring an umbrella, it looks like it might rain!

Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.

Takes pride in work: Conceited.

Unlimited potential: Will stick with us until retirement.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Look, ask me when I get back from India, okay ?

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.


All set back here, Captain, came the reply, except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.

A sardar boarded a train. Suddenly he felt a necessity to use the toilet. He entered the toilet and saw his reflection in the mirror, which was right opposite the door. Thinking it to be another sardar, he excused himself, and went to wait outside. When after some time he re-entered the toilet, he saw the same sardar again, seeing this, he again excused himself.

This went on for about an hour, and now sardarji were in great trouble, suddenly he saw a sardar TTC, and he thanked god for his help, and went to the TTC. He told the TTC his trouble. TTC assured him that he would do all he could to help a fellow sardar, and entered the toilet.Then he came back and told the sardar, Sorry, cant help you. He is a staff member!

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Yo mama so ugly, shes a tourist attraction.

There is a guy. His favorite bar is called Sallys Legs. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, What are you doing? The guy replies, Im waiting for Sallys Legs to open so I can get a drink.

The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, Pastor, I will contribute $1,000.

Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000.

Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, Pastor, I will double my last pledge.

He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, Pastor, I will give $20,000!

This prompted a deacon to shout, Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!