Old and New Jokes

Test Tubes Bubbling
(to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)

Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at ypur nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.

They know that Chlorines on its way
Hes loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every students slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.

And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although its been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.

Una niñita le estaba platicando de las ballenas a su maestra. La profesora dijo que era físicamente imposible que una ballena se tragara a un ser humano porque aunque era un mamífero muy grande, su garganta era muy pequeña.

La niña afirmó que Jonás había sido tragado por una ballena.

Irritada, la profesora le repitió que una ballena no podía tragarse a ningún humano; físicamente era imposible.

La niñita dijo, Cuando llegue al cielo le voy a preguntar a Jonás.

La maestra le preguntó, ¿Y qué pasa si Jonás se fue al infierno?

La niña le contestó, Entonces le toca a usted preguntarle.

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WHAT A COUNTRY……..

Yo mommas so fat her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud!!

Goebels Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?

Yo mama so fat she plays pool with the planets.

One day in Dodge city a cowboy rides into town. He pulls up outside the saloon and gets off his horse. He ties the horse up and then walks round the back of it, lifts the tail and kisses the horses backside with puckered lips. He then walks into the saloon.

Across the street an old timer cant believe what hes just seen so he rushes across and bursts into the saloon where he sees the cowboy drinking at the bar.

Hey mister, he says. Did I just see you kiss that hoss ass?

Yep.

If you dont mind me askin. Why dya do that?

Cos I got chapped lips, replies the cowboy.

And kissin your hoss ass cures chapped lips?

Nope, says the cowboy, but it sure stops you lickin them.

An F-4 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of
himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the
B-52 crew was, Anything you can do, I can do better.

Not to be outdone, the
bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued
its flight, straight and level, however. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked,
So? What did you do?

We just shut down two engines.

Henry Cate III

As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wifes voice urgently warning him,

Herman, I just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!

Its not just one car, said Herman, Its hundreds of them!

Q: How do you measure a blondes intelligence?

A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!