If Men Were to Rewrite The Rules
Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
Estaba un viejito en la alcoba cuando se le para el pito y le grita a su mujer, Vieja, vieeeejjjjaaa, apúrate que se me paró.
En eso sube corriendo la pobre mujer y cuando llega ya se le bajó al viejito.
Otro dÃa el viejito estaba en el baño y pasa lo mismo como 4 veces. Total que la viejita decide andar desnuda por toda la casa para que en el momento que el viejito le grite ella esté preparada.
Pasaron unos dias y la viejita estaba en la cocina preparando de almorzar cuando escucha, Vieja, viejaaaaaaa, y sube a las carreras desnuda como andaba y le dice, Ahora sà papacito, y el viejito le contesta: ¡Se está quemando la casa y tú con tus puterÃas!
Its always darkest just before the lights go out.
yo mamas so stupid she got hit by a parked car
10. Sag! Youre it!
9. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.
8. 20 questions shouted in your good ear.
7. Kick the bucket.
6. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says bend over.
5. Doc, doc, goose.
4. Simon says something incoherent.
3. Musical recliners.
2. Spin the bottle of Mylanta.
AND THE NUMBER 1 PARTY GAME FOR OLD PEOPLE IS… 1. Hide and go pee!
BLEEEOCH
E-mail Joke Quickly Ends Reporters Job
By Howard Kurtz of the Washington Post
When Joe Rhodes, journalist and self-described smart aleck, showed up at the Portland Oregonian last fall, he was asked to familiarize himself with the computer system.
The reporter, who had moved from Los Angeles to take a feature-writing job, sat down and composed a mock memo: In an effort to make everyone at the New Oregonian feel more comfortable, members of the New Northwest team have chosen Thursdays as no underwear day in the newsrooms. … All staff members will be subject to a brief inspection. Anyone found to be wearing undergarments will be severely reprimanded and forced to wear a sweater vest the following Monday. Exceptions will be made for those staff members with hernias, testicular cancer or radical mastectomies.
Rhodes then pressed a button to send the message to a friend. The message was inadvertently sent to everyone in the newsroom. And Rhodes job offer was promptly withdrawn on grounds of inappropriate behavior.
I was stunned, he said, They decided that anyone who was going to write jokes about underwear was a risk to the community. I cant imagine a newsroom culture so sensitive that would be enough to run me out of it. Its like I was given capital punishment for eating with the wrong fork.
Rhodes, 40, recently filed a $500,000 breach-of-contract suit against the paper.
The suit also names Willamette Week, a local paper that carried an account of the incident.
Willamette Week reported accurately, that Rhodes had gone to a clinic for a mandatory drug test and had tested positive for a prescription sleeping pill. Rhodes says the story wrongly reported – without calling him – that he complained about the drug clinic disclosing the sleeping pill and that this was the reason he was let go.
Now that Rhodes promised $57,000 job has vanished and he is in debt, I was knocked out before the weigh-in, he said.
Reprinted without permission from The Seattle Times, March 22, 1995.
Yo mama so tall she bumped her head on the Pearly Gates.
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun.
We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we dont get our way we will not date anybody that aint blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise,
(sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)
A TV commercial Id like to see, but probably never will . . .
Wife: Honey! Honey! Im pregnant! Were going to have a baby!
Husband: Really? Are you sure? How do you know?
Wife: Well, because the rabbit finally died . . .
[Wife brings the Energizer(TM) rabbit by the ears into camera view.
Rabbit looks at camera, grins, and then dies (goes limp).]
Narrator: Energizer(TM) , It keeps going, and going, and going,
until its too late . . .