One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted in him getting his eye gouged out. He was rushed to hospital, and, after awaking from an emergency operation, was told by the doctor that hed been given a glass eye. The man looked in the mirror to see the result, and was shocked to see that, whereas his original eye colour was blue, his new glass eye was brown. The man was outraged. I cant walk around like this!!
Sir, the doctor said, there is a severe shortage on blue eyes. We had to give you a brown one. If somehow you can get hold of a blue eye, and bring it here to the hospital, we will happily fit it for you.
A few weeks later, the man was driving home from work late one night during a big storm. Suddenly, the car in front of him lost control and skidded off the road before finally hitting a tree. The man screeched to a halt, and ran down the embankment to see if he could help. He found the driver of the car sprawled out over the wreckage, dead as a doornail…with a blue glass eye! As it was so late at night and during such a big storm, no one was about. So the man proceeded to get a screwdriver and removed one of the deceased mans blue eyes, replacing it with his brown glass eye. He raced down to the local hospital to have the replacement blue eye fitted. A few days later, the man was driving along the same stretch of road when he saw the police examining the crash scene and towing the car wreck away. Concerned to find out if the police were on to him, the man decided to go over to try and see if the police had any leads.
Excuse me, sir, said the policeman.
Do you know anything about this at all?
No, constable, said the man.
Well, we cant figure this out. Somehow, this bloke managed to drive 40 miles with two glass eyes!
Posted in Tasteless |
A blonde walks into a circuit store. She goes to the back and asks the clerk Can I have this T.V.? He said No. Why not? asked the blonde. Because your a dumb blonde.
She comes back the next day with a new hair color. She again asked the same clerk if she could have that same T.V.. He again said no. When she asked why he responded Because thats not a T.V., that is a microwave.
Posted in Blonde |
En el océano Atlántico se encontraban dos barcos en alta mar, uno era un retiro espiritual de sólo monjas y el otro de una despedida de soltero donde lógicamente iban sólo hombres.
De repente el barco de los hombres empieza a incendiarse y todos los tripulantes tienen que saltar al agua. Empezaron a nadar hasta el otro barco y suplicando dijeron a las monjas:
¡Déjennos subir por favor, que nos ahogamos!
Las monjas contestaron, ¡No porque ustedes nos violan!
¡Por favor no nos dejen ahogar dejennos subir!
¡No porque ustedes nos violan!
¡Se lo suplicamos, por favor!
La monja superiora dice, Está bien, pero con la condición de que les cortamos el pene según la profesión que tenga cada uno.
Ellos dijeron que sÃ, que lo que fuera.
Subió el primer hombre y le preguntaron ¿usted que es? Soy arquitecto. Y pum… ¡se lo cortaron con una regla!.
Subió el segundo ¿y usted qué es? Soy peluquero y pum… ¡se lo cortaron con unas tijeras!
Subió el tercero ¿y usted? Soy campesino. ¡Pum! con un machete.
El cuarto era un negro y estaba muerto de la risa y una monja le pregunta, ¿muy feliz porque se lo vamos a cortar?
Y dice el negro, Lo que pasa es que yo soy paletero y a mi me lo tienen que chupar hasta que se me caiga…!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Un tipo de edad madura, era soltero. Un dÃa, sus compañeros de oficina con ánimo de molestarlo le preguntan:
Oiga, ¿qué no le gustan las mujeres?
¡Claro que me gustan! Si no me gustaran ya me habrÃa casado, responde ofendido.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Eran las tres de la mañana, cuando un borracho llega hasta la puerta de su casa. Haciendo gran escándalo este despierta a su mujer que desde el segundo piso se da cuenta que el borracho (su esposo) no podáa entrar.
En eso la mujer le dice al borracho:
Mi amor, aquà te van las llaves.
Y el borracho le contesta:
Mejor tÃrame el hoyo, que es el que no encuentro.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Whats the difference between a polythene bag and Michael Jackson?
A: One is made of plastic and dangerous to
children,the other is used to carry your
shopping home!
Posted in Celebrity |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Don Giovanni!
Don Giovanni who?
Don Giovanni talk to me!
Posted in Knock-knock |
25. If you havent done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
Posted in School |
I often wonder how come John Tesh isnt as popular a singer as some people
think he should be.
Then, I remember its because he sucks.
Posted in One Liners |
The health inspector shut down the restaurant on the corner of main street and second avenue.
A new owner rebuilt the kitchen area. The inspector was very impressed with the new kitchen. Stainless steel counters and shelves. Floors of white marble. More lighting install making a bright and clean looking work area. Tongs hanging everywhere, the food was not touched by human hands.
The inspector noticed a string hanging from the cooks fly and asked What is the string for?
The cook replied, When I go to the bathroom, I do not have to touch it, I just pull it out with the string.
Oh how neat, replied the inspector, how do you get it back in?
The cook responded With the salad tongs.
Posted in General / Unsorted |