Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They dont make Pampers small enough.
28
Aug
28
Aug
What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
28
Aug
28
Aug
Como todas las cosas, también los refranes mexicanos cambian con el tiempo:
Ladrón que roba a ladrón… vive en el Distrito Federal.
La suerte de la fea… a la bonita le vale madre.
Mucho antes cae un hablador… si es cojo.
Más vale prevenir… que amamantar.
Sale más caro el caldo… si lleva albóndigas.
Palo dado… ¡adiós, loquita!
Ojos que no ven… pies que pisan caca.
El que no habla… Dios lo hizo mudo.
La excepción a la regla… dura 9 meses.
En el paÃs de los ciegos… el tuerto se hace güey.
CrÃa cuervos… y tendrás un chingo.
Camarón que se duerme… amanece de coctel.
Ãrbol que crece torcido… se le caen los pajaritos.
De tal palo… nacieron mis hijos.
El que rÃe al ultimo… no entendió el chiste.
28
Aug
El cura del pueblo, sumamente enojado, se queja al rabino:
Alguno de tus feligreses me ha robado la bicicleta.
¿Y por qué crees que ha sido alguno de mis feligreses?
¿Qué católico le va ha robar la bicicleta a un sacerdote?
No sé. Mira, vamos a hacer lo siguiente: yo el sábado y tú el domingo, cuando demos el sermón, hablaremos sobre los diez mandamientos. Seguro que cuando hablemos sobre el No robarás, quien lo haya hecho se arrepentirá y te devolverá la bicicleta.
Asà que quedan de acuerdo en hacer lo antes dicho y reencontrarse el lunes siguiente.
Dime, ¿hiciste lo que pactamos?, pregunta el rabino.
SÃ, fue una gran idea.
¿Te devolvieron la bicicleta?
¡No, que va, pero la he recuperado de todas formas, lo que pasó es que cuando llegué al No fornicarás me acordé‚ en donde estaba la bicicleta!
28
Aug
I was playing golf with my doctor friend one day.
He ALWAYS hit his drives right down the middle of the fairway.
My problem was that I ALWAYS hooked my ball completely off the fairway.
I asked him for help, and he offered to give me a physical to see if he could determine the problem.
Sure enough, he said that I had three times the normal length of the average male, which caused an anomaly in my swing that caused me to hook.
I asked him to help me, and he agreed to do surgery — provided that I didnt play golf for four weeks. I agreed. Golf is just that important to me.
Four weeks later, new body and all, I teed off on the first hole and drove the ball 270 yards right down the middle. Feeling elated, I thanked the doctor.
Then I asked him what had become of the rest of me.
He just smiled, teed his ball, then hit it…
and watched it duck hook two fairways away…
28
Aug
There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line.
The first little baby says, Ugh, look at this – my mom just bought strained plums!
The second baby says, You think thats bad – my mom just bought strained peas!
And the third baby says… You think you guys got it bad?
How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!
28
Aug
Yo Momma is so stupid, she thought Boyz II Men was a Daycare Center.
28
Aug
Blessed are the cross-eyed, for they shall see God twice.
28
Aug
Rabbi, the man said, Please explain the Talmud to me.
Very well, he said. First, I will ask you a question. If two men climb
up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean,
which one washes himself?
The dirty one, answers the man.
No. They look at each other and the dirty man thinks he is clean
and the clean man thinks he is dirty, therefore, the clean man washes
himself. Now, another question. If two men climb up a chimney and one
comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?
The man smiles and says, You just told me, Rabbi. The man who is clean
washes himself because he thinks he is dirty.
No, says the Rabbi. If they each look at themselves, the clean man knows
he doesnt have to wash himself, so the dirty man washes himself.
Now, one more question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes
out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?
I dont know, Rabbi. Depending on your point of view, it could be either
one.
Again the Rabbi says, No. If two men climb up a chimney, how could
one man remain clean? They both are dirty, and they both wash themselves.
The confused man said, Rabbi, you asked me the same question
three times and you gave me three different answers.
Is this some kind of a joke?
This is not a joke, my son. This is Talmud.