Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
13
Jun
13
Jun
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
13
Jun
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.
13
Jun
Hubbards Law: Dont take life too seriously; you wont get out of it alive.
13
Jun
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them.A red head said, O.K., whats the capital of Wyoming? The blonde replied, Oh, thats easy, W.
13
Jun
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. . . .
Says He: Im sorry honey but Im up to my neck in work today
Says She: But Ive got some good news and some bad news for you dear.
Says He: OK darling, but since Ive got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?
Says She: Well, the air bag works…
13
Jun
Two men see a beatiful women,seen there are two of them and one women they decide to let he decide.So the first man goes up and says Hey sweety how who you like to taste my candy The women replied in a remarkable tone I dont eat peanuts!
13
Jun
Mrs. Smith was preparing dinner when little Brad came into the kitchen. What has mamas darling been doing all day?
Ive been playing mailman, replied Brad.
Mailman? asked the mother. How could you do that when you had no letters?
I had a whole bunch of letters, said Brad. I found them in that old trunk up in the attic, all tied up with ribbon. I put one in every mailbox on the street.
13
Jun
An elderly spinster called the lawyers office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, You must understand, Ive lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I dont like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinsters home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyers first question was, Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how youd like them to be distributed under your will?
She replied, Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank.
Tell me, the lawyer asked, how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?
The spinster said, Well, as Ive told you, Ive lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so Id like them to notice when I pass on. Id like to provide $35,000 for my funeral.
The lawyer remarked, Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me, he continued, what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?
The spinster replied, As you know, Ive never married, Ive lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact Ive never slept with a man. Before I die, Id like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me.
This is a very unusual request, the lawyer said, adding, but Ill see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you.
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request.
After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, Ill drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until youre finished.
The next morning, she drove him to the spinsters house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didnt come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, Pick me up tomorrow, shes going to let the County bury her!
13
Jun
Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question.
Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program?
UNIX consultant: Yes, thats correct.
Customer: No, what is it?
UNIX consultant: Yes.
Customer: So, which is the one?
UNIX consultant: No. which is used to find the program.
Customer: Stop this. Who are you?
UNIX consultant: Use who am i not who r yoo. You can also finger yoo to
get information about yoo.
Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code.
UNIX consultant: Use what.
Customer: Thats what I am trying to find out. Isnt that true?
UNIX consultant: No. true gives you 0.
Customer: Which one?
UNIX consultant: true gives you 0. which programname.
Customer: Lets get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX consultant: Type find / -name it -print to find it. Type what program
to get the revision code.
Customer: I want to find the revision code.
UNIX consultant: You cant find revisioncode, you must use what program.
Customer: Which command will do what I need?
UNIX consultant: No. which command will find command.
Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX consultant: You can write that only if that is a user on your system.
Customer: Write what?
UNIX consultant: No. write that. what program.
Customer: Cut that out!
UNIX consultant: Yes, those are valid files for cut. Dont forget the options.
Customer: Do you always do this?
UNIX consultant: du will give you disk usage.
Customer: HELP!
UNIX consultant: help is only used for Source Code Control System.
Customer: You make me angry.
UNIX consultant: No, I dont make me angry, but I did make programname when
I was upset once.
Customer: I dont want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX consultant: No more? which will help you find more. Every system has
more.
Customer: Nice help! Im confused more now!
UNIX consultant: Understand that since help is such a small program, it is
better not to nice help. And more now is not allowed but at now is.
Unless, of course, now is a file name.
Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX consultant: I didnt know you needed help with pc. Let me get you to the
Pascal compiler team…