Old and New Jokes

Rigurosos estudios científicos han demostrado que el acto sexual dura, poco más o menos, 8 minutos; tiempo durante el cual, el promedio de penetración es de 30 veces por minuto, lo cual indica que, en una relación sexual, hay 240 penetraciones. Y debido a que el pene tiene un tamaño medio de 15 centímetros, eso significa que a la mujer se le introducen 3 mil 600 centímetros, es decir, 36 metros de pene por cada relación sexual.

Dado que, generalmente, las mujeres hacen el amor 3 veces por semana y como el año tiene 52, el resultado es que hacen el amor 156 veces al año, lo cual quiere decir que, como mínimo, reciben 5 mil 885 metros de pene anualmente, o lo que es igual, casi 6 kilómetros de pene al año, o sea, 1 kilómetro y medio mensual.

Así que, estimadas compañeras y amigas, si aún no han recibido a esta altura del año su kilometraje correspondiente, permítale a su pareja (o a quien sea) que les ayude a conseguir el kilometraje al que tiene derecho todo el mundo.

Tengan en cuenta, además, que está científicamente comprobado que unos centímetros de más no les harán daño alguno: ¡Todo lo contrario! Se mantendrán perfectamente lubricadas, ágiles, flexibles, en excelente forma física y, sobre todo, muy pero muy contentas.

Q: What do you call a prostitute that doesnt

care about money?





A: A blonde

A pregnant woman with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetricians office. After the exam, she shyly said, My husband wants me to ask you something…, to which the doctor replies I know…I know… placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy. No, thats not it, the woman confessed. He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.

Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Words can not describe the deep feelings I have for you …
But Bitch comes pretty close.

Yo mama so poor your family has to eat cereal with a fork to save milk!

My wife was filling out the medical claim form to pre-register for her
pregnancy (thank you very much!), and one particular section went like this:

What is the nature of the claim: Pregnancy

Is the claim related to your employment? Yes

What is your job? Homemaker

Q: Whats the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A:


Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldnt speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, Hi, Grandma, youre looking good! How are they treating you?

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew…They wont let me fart.