Old and New Jokes

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter."Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance.""Okay," says the blonde."Heres your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T.""Thats easy. Today and tomorrow!""Well, thats not the answer I was thinking of, but Ill give you another question. How many seconds are there in a year?""Thats easy. Twelve!""Twelve?""January second, February second, March second–""Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well. Okay, one more chance. Whats Gods name?""Thats easy. Howard!""Howard?""You know — Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name…"