When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and childrens art. We dont have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

Dont write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

When an I.T. person says hes coming right over, go for coffee. That way you wont be there when we need your password. Its nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

When you call the help desk, state what you want, not whats keeping you from getting it. We dont need to know that you cant get into your mail because your computer wont power on at all.

When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. Were just testing.

When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

When the photocopier doesnt work, call computer support. Theres electronics in it.

When somethings wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. persons chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens dont have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

When an I.T. person tells you that hell be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly? That motivates us.

When the printer wont print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

When the printer still wont print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

Dont learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by My thingy blew up.

Dont use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.