An annotated thermometer

60 Californians put on sweaters

(if they can find one in their wardrobe)

50 Miami residents turn on the heat

Wisconsinites plant gardens

40 You can see your breath

Californians shiver uncontrollably

Minnesotans go swimming

35 Italian cars dont start

32 Water freezes

30 You plan your vacation to Australia

Minnesotans put on T-shirts

Politicians begin to worry about the homeless

Minnesota ice cream sales peak

British cars dont start

25 Boston water freezes

Californians weep pitiably

Minnesotans eat ice cream

Canadians go swimming

20 You can hear your breath

Politicians begin to talk about the homeless

New York City water freezes

Miami residents plan vacation further South

15 French cars dont start

You plan a vacation in Mexico

Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10 Too cold to ski

Snow removal becomes political controversy in Chicago

You need jumper cables to get the car going

5 You plan your vacation in Houston

American cars dont start

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts

Too cold to skate

-10 German cars dont start

Ice fishers close the doors on their shanties

Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo

Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects

Street salting becomes political controversy in Chicago

Miami residents cease to exist

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you

Politicians actually do something about the homeless

Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

People in Wisconsin think about taking down the screens

Japanese cars dont start

-25 Too cold to think

The Milwaukee Brewers head for Spring Training

You need jumper cables to get the driver going

-30 You plan a two week hot bath

The Mighty Monongahela freezes

Swedish cars dont start

-40 Californians disappear

Minnesotans button top button

Canadians put on sweaters

Your car helps you plan your trip South

-50 Congressional hot air freezes

Green Bay Packers practice indoors

Alaskans close the bathroom window

-60 Wisconsinites put away gloves and take out mittens

Polar bears move south

-70 Minnesotans replace diving boards with hockey nets

Green Bay snowmobilers organize a trans-lake race to
Sault Ste. Marie

-90 The edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro

Wisconsinites pull down their ear flaps

-100 Elderly people from Michigans Upper Peninsula travel
south to Wisconsin to enjoy warmer weather

Glacier removal becomes political controversy in
Chicago

-170 Whiskey freezes

Only cherries from Door County, Wisconsin are usable in
Old Fashioneds

-297 Oxygen precipitates from atmosphere

Microbial life survives only on Wisconsin dairy
products

-445 Superconductivity begins

-452 Helium liquefies

-460 All atomic motion ceases

Hell freezes over

Illinois drivers drop below 85 mph on I-90

Mayor of Chicago and Governor of Illinois reach
agreement about glacier removal plans

Minnesotans allow as how its getting nippy