The background: Someone (No names, children!) walked in on his roommate and caught him masturbating. Consequently, he broke the sinner-s arm.

The question: Whoever said that masturbation is sinful, anyway?

The answer: Every Sperm Is Sacred, Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry Jones.

There are Jews in the world, there are Buddists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then
There are those that follow Mohammad, but
Ive never been one of them.

Im a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is
Theyll take you as soon as youre warm.

You dont have to be a six footer,
You dont have to have a great brain,
You dont have to have any clothes on,
Youre a Catholic the moment Dad came, because

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that cant be found.

Every sperm is wanted,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighborhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Morman,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighborhood.

Every sperm is useful,
Every sperm is fine,
God needs everybodys,
Mine, and mine, and mine.

Let the pagans spill theirs,
Oer mountain, hill and plain.
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm thats spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighborhood.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.