NB: this reads best out loud.

Two old Jewish gentlemen were having lunch in a Chinese restaurant, and the conversation turned to the status of Jewish communities around the world.

They discussed the plight of Soviet Jewry, and how the break-up of the USSR was making emigration to Israel easier for those Jews. They chatted about Ethiopian Jews, and whether they were really Jewish, considering the differences in their religious practices from that of the Orthodox sect.

They even discussed the problem of intermarriage in American Jews.

Eventually, since they were in a Chinese establishment, the conversation turned to the status of Jews in Asia. One of the gentlemen was certain that there had been a thriving community of Jews in Beijing – and probably still was; but, the other was equally certain that Jews had intermarried in China to the point where they had completely assimilated. Their discussion became quite heated.

Hearing the raised voices, their waiter hurried over. Food OK? he asked.

The meal is fine, replied one of the Jews, but we were arguing about Chinese Jews. Do you have any?

The waiter thought for a moment. Dont know, he admitted. Ask cook. And he vanished into the kitchen.

After a few minutes, he reappeared, frowning. So sorry, he began. Cook say no Chinese Jews.

Before either Jew could say anything, the waiter smiled and continued: Cook say we have apple juice and tomato juice.