As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon

(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,

has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene

pool.

And now, for this years illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll… John

Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,

decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,

Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the

parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy

enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.

The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan

was for John–100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his

friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on

the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself

crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch

which snagged

him by his shorts.

Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a

group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John

removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free

himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into Holly

bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being without

his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly

branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocket

knife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his left

thigh.

Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him

a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, he

decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup

truck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state,

Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and crashed

through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown from

the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died at the scene.

Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet from

the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with numerous

scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair of

shorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.