There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem
with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didnt
even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to
seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family
doctor.

After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20
minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office,
leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked
her how he could help.

Doctor, she said, I have a very bad gas problem. A gas
problem? replied the doctor. Yes. Yesterday afternoon I had
lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er,
ahhh… silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the
governor and his wife and had <blush> four silent gas emissions.
Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas
emissions! Doctor, youve got to help me! What can we do?

Well, said the doctor thoughtfully, I think the first thing
were going to do is give you a hearing test.