Old and New Jokes

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Given a fifty-fifty chance, you will be wrong 90% of the time.
IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what youve got.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.
Two is not equal to three – not even for larger values of two.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A good scapegoat is hard to find.