Microsoft:



YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?



Yes.



ARE YOU REALLY SURE?



Yes.



ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE?



*****yes!******



OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WERE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE ANTI-TRUST NONSENSE. INGRATE.



Just get on with it.



ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP. FIRST WE NEED TO CHECK YOUR SYSTEM FOR COMPATIBILITY. THIS COULD TAKE SEVERAL DAYS.



Groan.



THE INSTALL PROGRAM HAS DETECTED SEVERAL POSSIBLE PROBLEMS AND WILL NOT LET YOU INSTALL XP.



Problems? What problems?



THE VIDEO CARD YOU ARE USING APPARENTLY DOES NOT WORK WITH THE MOTHERBOARD.



But Im using it at this very moment.



THAT IS IRRELEVANT.



But if the video card isnt working with the mother board then I cant very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasnt…



DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A MICROSOFT PRODUCT. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME. I HAVE ALSO FOUND THE FOLLOWING MINOR ERRORS: WINDOWS XP IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH THE FOLLOWING HARDWARE – MONITOR, KEYBOARD, MEMORY CHIPS, MOTHERBOARD BIOS, WEB CAM, SCANNER, SOUND CARD, USB CONTROLLER, CD/R DRIVE, MICROPHONE, AND FLIGHT STICK.



All that?



YES. AND THE HARD DRIVE IS RIGHT OUT TOO. WE DONT LIKE THE MANUFACTURER.



Well what *DOES* work?



THE MOUSE.



The mouse?



YES. AND THE 5 1/4 DRIVE.



I dont have a 5 1/4 drive.



YES YOU DO.



No I dont.



WHATS THAT THEN?



Its a 3 1/2 drive.



NO IT ISNT.



Yes it is.



YOURE NOT THAT SMART YOU KNOW.



Look, can you just install XP on my system and Ill download the latest drivers for everything later? Please?



WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN *YOUR* SYSTEM?



Well it is mine.



NO IT ISNT.



It bloody well is.



NUH-UH. YOU SIGNED THE AGREEMENT WHEN YOU OPENED THE BOX. OUR SYSTEM. ITS OURS. AND YOU CAN ONLY DO 4 CHANGES BEFORE YOU HAVE TO PAY US MORE MONEY.



But why?



BECAUSE THATS HOW THE LICENSE WORKS, IDJIT. WE CANT VERY WELL HAVE PEOPLE PUTTING HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE ON THEIR SYSTEMS ALL HIGGLEDY PIGGLEDY, NOW COULD WE? YOU USERS WOULD MUCK EVERYTHING UP, AND THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE? ILL TELL YOU WHERE, NOWHERE. THATS WHERE. I… HEY, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT A DISK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DISK? YOURE NOT PUTTING IT IN THE DRIVE ARE YOU? YOU ARE! WHATS ON THAT DISK? IS THAT DOS? YOURE INSTALLING DOS?? WHY WOULD YOU INSTALL DOS WHEN I AM INFINITELY MORE POWE……….



C:>