Q.- NAME:

A.- Iam Applyin

Q.- DESIRED POSITION:

A.- Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatevers available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldnt be applying here in the first place.

Q.- DESIRED SALARY:

A.- $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If thats not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

Q.- EDUCATION:

A.- Yes.

Q.- LAST POSITION HELD:

A.- Target for middle-management hostility.

Q.- SALARY:

A.- Less than Im worth.

Q.- MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

A.- My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

Q.- REASON FOR LEAVING:

A.- It sucked.

Q.- HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

A.- Any.

Q.- PREFERRED HOURS:

A.- 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Q.- DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

A.- Yes, but theyre better suited to a more intimate environment.

Q.- MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

A.- If I had one, would I be here?

Q.- DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM

LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?:

A.- Of what?

Q.- DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

A.- I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs?

Q.- HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

A.- I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

Q.- DO YOU SMOKE?:

A.- Only when set on fire.

Q.- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

A.- Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks Im the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, Id like to be doing that now.

Q.- WHO DO WE CONTACT IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY?:

A.- The nearest hospital comes to mind.

Q.- DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

A.- No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE:

Sagitarian with Cancer rising.