Annoyed wife to husband: Cant you just say weve been married 24 years instead of almost a quarter of a century?

Mrs. JimJr sat down to dinner the other nite with her hair in curlers. I asked why and she said she had just set her hair. Fortunately, I was able to duck a spoonful of mashed potatoes headed my way after I asked, What time does it go off?

Wife to husband: I dont mind your little half-truths so much as I do the fact that you always tell me the wrong half.

Irate husband calling upstairs to wife: How soon do you think you will be ready? Can you at least give me a specific day?

Wife to husband, staring at his beer belly: Its amazing when you consider it takes an Oak tree 200 years to attain that girth.