A burglary was recently committed at West Hams ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup. Snow White says Well at least Dopeys alive!

Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!

The cups man! Save the cups! cries George.

Uh, the fire hasnt spread to the canteen yet, sir.

Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said theyd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what its like to ride on an open-top bus.

Big Ron was caught speeding on his way to the City Ground today.
Ill do anything for 3 points, he said when questioned.

The Nottingham Forest Chairman is considering replacing Big Ron with Steve Davis. Explaining this unusual move, he said we dont just need points now, we need snookers!

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.