24
Jun

New Years Resolutions


As we all start a new year, it is time again to make those ever so
important New Years Resolutions. I have faithfully made such
resolutions in the past, and while I havent been able to keep all of
them, I have tried my best to continue making progress on them year
after year.

Following is my revised list of New Years Resolutions – 2003 Edition:


Resolution #1
2000: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.

2001: I will not leave Marge.

2002: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.

2003: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

Resolution #2
2000: I will stop looking at other women.

2001: I will not get involved with Wanda.

2002: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.

2003: I will stop looking at other women.

Resolution #3
2000: I will not let my boss push me around.

2001: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.

2002: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.

2003: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

Resolution #4
2000: I will read at least 20 good books a year.

2001: I will read at least 10 books a year.

2002: I will read 5 books a year.

2003: I will finish Airport.

Resolution #5
2000: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness.

2001: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee.

2002: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.

2003: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.

Resolution #6
2000: I will get my weight down below 180.

2001: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.

2002: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.

2003: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

Resolution #7
2000: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.

2001: I will not touch the bottle before noon.

2002: I will not become a problem drinker.

2003: I will not miss any AA meetings.

Resolution #8
2000: I will not spend my money frivolously.

2001: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.

2002: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.

2003: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 1998.

Resolution #9
2000: I will see my dentist this year.

2001: I will have my cavities filled this year.

2002: I will have my root canal work done this year.

2003: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

Resolution #10
2000: I will go to church every Sunday.

2001: I will go to church as often as possible.

2002: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.

2003: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.

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