One day Jim complained to his friend, My elbow really
hurts, I guess I should see a doctor. His friend offered. Dont do that.
Theres a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything
quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine
and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you
can do about it. It only cost $10.

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he
poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started
making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause
out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arms in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and
how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this
machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together
some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into
the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the
machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again
made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They arent yours.
Get a lawyer.

And if you dont stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better.