Old and New Jokes

I
take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
way back.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage
last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
a little wine, good food… She goes Tuesdays,
I go Fridays.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I wont
be reporting it. The thief spends less than my
wife did.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
electric bread maker. Then she said "There
are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So
what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street.
The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where
are you going?" My wife said, "I must
be late, everyone is all coming back!"
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am
I too late for the garbage?" Following her
down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"