These snippets from Polish Police reports – purported to be true – have been translated and submitted to another list by Andrzej Zychla

The corpse was very well-exposed – nicely arranged into the door frame.
The investigation was hindered because the pig had already been consumed.
The suspect relieved himself – soiling his trousers in order to escape responsibility.
I curtailed my investigation due to the fact that the couple was in need of medico-sexual attention.
Throwing water on the victim did not help – the deceased remained dead.
On the road lay a dead dog, and next to its probable owner – also dead.
With the drunken woman was found a sober infant.
Careful investigation revealed that the sack was empty due to the fact that it contained a hole.
The victim was kicked in the sitting part of her body.
The victim does not admit to guilt due to personal reasons and his own opinion.
The victim was driven to the hospital to be placed in its morgue.
A crowned eagle was desecrated on my head.
I repeatedly emphasize that the police foot patrol is in no state to effectively apprehend the fleeing automobile.
He had been hiding in the dumpster, which resulted in his stinking so intensely that even the police dog made a face.
On patrolling the streets, I noticed calm.
The owner struck the horse until death.
At the scene of the crime I discovered three corpses, two of which showed signs of life in the form of curses, the third being completely deceased.
In the forest we found trees, bushes and other objects of unknown origin.
It was a dog of Alsatian make.
The investigated person had seen neither the suspect nor anything else due to the fact that he was blind.
The suspect beat his wife with whom he had five children with the help of a bit of string.