The food at the school cafeteria isnt awful. Its digestively challenged.

No one fails a class anymore, hes merely passing impaired.

You dont have detention, youre just one of the exit delayed.

These days, a student isnt lazy. Hes energetically declined.

Your locker isnt overflowing with junk, its just closure prohibitive.

Your homework isnt missing, its just having an out-of- notebook experience.

Youre not sleeping in class, youre rationing consciousness.

You dont have smelly gym socks, you have odor-retentive athletic footwear.

You werent passing notes in class. You were participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.

Youre not being sent to the principals office. Youre going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.