Top Ten Signs Your Relationship Is On The Rocks

10. Her term of affection for you is You Bastard.

9. She shaves your eyebrows off while you are asleep.

8. She rushes to answer the phone each time it rings, and puts it down with a hushed, I cant talk now… Ill call you later.

7. Your picture on her wall has darts in it.

6. She reads books like Women are From Venus, Men Are Complete Assholes.

5. She falls asleep during sex. The oral kind. While shes giving it.

4. When you call her, she answers your voice with, Oh. Its only you.

3. She cancels your date because she has to clean out the septic tank.

2. She makes inquiries about going on the Witness Protection Program.

And the Number One Sign Your Relationship Is On The Rocks…

1. Her cat pees on you. And receives a reward.