Signs Youre Drinking Too Much Coffee
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- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You get a speeding ticket even when youre parked.
- You speed walk in your sleep.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- You havent blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You just completed another sweater and you dont know how to knit.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- Jai alai plays as slow as a seniors golf tournament to you.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without
using the timer.
- You listen to speed metal to relax.
- Youve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other peoples fingernails.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- Youre so jittery people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
- You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
- You can jump start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You dont need a hammer to pound in nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from sweet & low.
- You buy milk by the barrel.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on the treadmill before realizing its
not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- The Tasters Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Youve melted away your fillings.
- People can test their batteries in you ears.
- Your face is on a Colombian postage stamp.
- Your lifes goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
- Lightning strikes you and it gets perked up.
- Commodity traders use you to predict the world coffee market.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- You channel surf faster without the remote.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You ride an exercise bike to work.
- You can outlast the energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You dont even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- You can play ping pong without a partner.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- Your blood type is c8-h10-n4-o2.
- You made provisions in your will for your coffee supply.
- You tear open bean bags just to make sure.
- You use coffee flavored mouthwash.
- You constantly speak like an auctioneer.
- Your children dont come near you until youve had your
first cup.
- The stewardess hands you the whole pot.
- You have coffee stains on your fingers.
- You meditate while listening to your natural sounds of
coffee brewing CD.
- The Betty Ford clinic opened a coffee ward just for you.
- You had to remove your car stereo to make room for your
cup holder.
- You carry a spare mug in your trunk.
- You lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of
iced coffee to get you in the mood.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
- Without you, the US would not be the worlds leading coffee consumer.
- You think CPR stands for coffee provides resuscitation.
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