Signs Youre Drinking Too Much Coffee

  • Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.

  • You ski uphill.

  • You get a speeding ticket even when youre parked.

  • You speed walk in your sleep.

  • You answer the door before people knock.

  • You havent blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

  • You just completed another sweater and you dont know how to knit.

  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

  • Jai alai plays as slow as a seniors golf tournament to you.

  • You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

  • You sleep with your eyes open.

  • You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without
    using the timer.

  • You listen to speed metal to relax.

  • Youve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

  • You chew on other peoples fingernails.

  • The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

  • Youre so jittery people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

  • You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.

  • You can jump start your car without cables.

  • Cocaine is a downer.

  • You dont need a hammer to pound in nails.

  • Your only source of nutrition comes from sweet & low.

  • You buy milk by the barrel.

  • You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

  • You walk twenty miles on the treadmill before realizing its
    not plugged in.

  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

  • Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

  • People get dizzy just watching you.

  • The Tasters Choice couple wants to adopt you.

  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

  • Youve melted away your fillings.

  • People can test their batteries in you ears.

  • Your face is on a Colombian postage stamp.

  • Your lifes goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

  • Lightning strikes you and it gets perked up.

  • Commodity traders use you to predict the world coffee market.

  • Instant coffee takes too long.

  • You channel surf faster without the remote.

  • Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

  • You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

  • You ride an exercise bike to work.

  • You can outlast the energizer bunny.

  • You short out motion detectors.

  • You dont even wait for the water to boil anymore.

  • You can play ping pong without a partner.

  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

  • Your blood type is c8-h10-n4-o2.

  • You made provisions in your will for your coffee supply.

  • You tear open bean bags just to make sure.

  • You use coffee flavored mouthwash.

  • You constantly speak like an auctioneer.

  • Your children dont come near you until youve had your
    first cup.

  • The stewardess hands you the whole pot.

  • You have coffee stains on your fingers.

  • You meditate while listening to your natural sounds of
    coffee brewing CD.

  • The Betty Ford clinic opened a coffee ward just for you.

  • You had to remove your car stereo to make room for your
    cup holder.

  • You carry a spare mug in your trunk.

  • You lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of
    iced coffee to get you in the mood.

  • You help your dog chase its tail.

  • You coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

  • Without you, the US would not be the worlds leading coffee consumer.

  • You think CPR stands for coffee provides resuscitation.

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