The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, Im afraid of widths.

I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now hes gone.

I put contact lenses in my dogs eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I bought a dog the other day… I named him Stay. Its fun to call him… Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay! He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. Hes an East German Shepherd.