From the San Francisco Chronicle Personals column of 01/22/90:

Readers of New York magazine were asked to submit made-up headlines for
tabloid newspapers. Some of the suggestions:

Dog Missing Since 1940 Returns, Bites Master
I Found Danny DeVitos Head in a Dumpster
Satanic Messages in Nintendo Imperil our Youth
Sky-diving Mom Gives Birth During Free-Fall
Your Remote Control Could Launch Nuclear Weapons
Man Held in Shooting Death of Own Siamese Twin
Cocker Spaniel Shoots Intruder, Calls 911 to Save Master
Infant Grows Sideburns During Visit to Graceland
Aliens Reconstruct Berlin Wall