The Top 16 Signs You Wont Beat a Computer at Chess
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- Lets just say that in the movie version of your life, youd be played by Pauly Shore.
- Your idea of conquering Deep Blue involves employing your gastro-intestinal system to attack the Tidy Bowl man.
- The computer: A highly sophisticated electronic brain from IBM. You: A highly intoxicated electrician from NJ.
- Before moving your queen, you insist on consulting Eddie Murphy.
- Computer: lauded by scientists for its ability to calculate millions of chess moves per minute. You: lauded by fraternity buddies for your ability to pass gas and burp simultaneously.
- You cant make a single move without thinking of huge juicy shrimp.
- In your circle, castling means holing-up in your trailer with an AK-47 and a bottle of bourbon.
- Your garlic breath strategy fails to intimidate this particular opponent.
- Your populist leanings always result in you inciting your pawns to wipe out their own king and queen.
- Kasparovs idol: Bobby Fisher. Your idol: Eddie Fisher.
- The press has nicknamed you Deep Doo.
- You plan to use the James T. Kirk Strategy – talk the computer into blowing itself up.
- Video tapes of you shouting at the ATM are legendary among the bank security staff.
- Computer: Intel Inside. You: Imbecile Inside.
- After your move, you slap the computer monitor and shout, King me, Pentium-breath!
and the Number 1 Sign You Wont Beat a Computer at Chess…
- You counter *every* move with a Smirnoff opening.
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