To women everywhere from a man whos had enough

  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You dont hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
  2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
  3. If you wont dress like the Victorias Secret girls, dont expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  4. If you think youre fat, you probably are. Dont ask us. We refuse to answer.
  5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
  6. If you ask a question you dont want an answer to, expect an answer you dont want to hear.
  7. Sometimes, were not thinking about you. Live with it. Dont ask us what were thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or the shotgun formation.
  8. Sunday = Sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, were never going to think of it that way.
  10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  11. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
  12. Crying is blackmail.
  13. Ask for what you want. Lets be clear on this one: Subtle hints dont work. Strong hints dont work. Really obvious hints dont work. Just say it!
  14. No, we dont know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
  15. Peeing standing up is more difficult. Were bound to miss sometimes.
  16. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think wed be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
  17. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  18. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thats what we do.
  19. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  20. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  21. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless its Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesnt really matter what theyre saying anyway.)
  22. Check your oil.
  23. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
  24. No, it doesnt matter which quiz.
  25. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
  26. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  27. Let us ogle. Were going to look anyway; its genetic.
  28. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
  29. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  30. If it itches, it will be scratched.
  31. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
  32. If we ask whats wrong and you say nothing, we will act like nothings wrong.
  33. We know youre lying, but its just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really dont mind that, its like camping!

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