To women everywhere from a man whos had enough
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- Learn to work the toilet seat. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You dont hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
- If you wont dress like the Victorias Secret girls, dont expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If you think youre fat, you probably are. Dont ask us. We refuse to answer.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
- If you ask a question you dont want an answer to, expect an answer you dont want to hear.
- Sometimes, were not thinking about you. Live with it. Dont ask us what were thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or the shotgun formation.
- Sunday = Sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is not a sport, and no, were never going to think of it that way.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
- You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Lets be clear on this one: Subtle hints dont work. Strong hints dont work. Really obvious hints dont work. Just say it!
- No, we dont know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
- Peeing standing up is more difficult. Were bound to miss sometimes.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think wed be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thats what we do.
- Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless its Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesnt really matter what theyre saying anyway.)
- Check your oil.
- It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
- No, it doesnt matter which quiz.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. Were going to look anyway; its genetic.
- You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- If it itches, it will be scratched.
- Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
- If we ask whats wrong and you say nothing, we will act like nothings wrong.
- We know youre lying, but its just not worth the hassle.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really dont mind that, its like camping!
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