Top Ten Signs The Concert Youre Attending is Not The Real Woodstock

From Late Show with David Letterman on Tuesday, August 9, 1994

10. Its hosted by Ed McMahon.

9. Amplifiers are just enormous dixie cups.

8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables.

7. Youre asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, youre being introduced as Bob Dylan.

6. One word: polkas.

5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls.

4. Santana turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents.

3. Theyre playing May we turn the hose on you, please? [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each nights show with a hose.]

2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving.

1. The crowd is chanting, Tito! Tito! Tito!

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