08
May

Twas The Night Before Xmas- Redneck

Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailer

Not a creature was stirrin Cept a redneck named Taylor.

His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,

And a-runnin down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.

His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,

And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

That Bubba got scared And rousted the boys.

There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;

Dud goin on 10; Otis was 7.

John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:

The twins were both girls So they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt,

Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.

They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall.

There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the younguns, Now hesh up yall!

The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw.

Maw was expecting And needed her sleep,

So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.

The younguns asked Bubba, Paw, what is it?

Bubba just stared; He could not say a word.

This was just like all of the stories hed heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, Darn tootin

But the boys didnt know; They was about to start shootin!

They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake

That would have resulted in venison steak.

Bubba hollered out, Dont shoot, boys!

Thats Santy Claus And hes brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin And a-raisin cain,

And Bubba whistled, and shouted, And called them by name.

Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!

Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!

Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall!

Quit shakin the trailer, Or youll make Santy fall!

The dogs kept a-barkin And wouldnt shut up,

And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.

Bubba got most, But left a few for the boys.

Since the guns had been dropped He just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, Told his reindeer to hurry.

The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.

Just as the reindeer Got into the air,

The trailer collapsed, But Bubba didnt care.

He was busy lookin At all his new toys.

Then a thought hit him, And he said to the boys:

Go check on yer Maw, Make sure shes all right.

That roof fallin on her Could-a hurt just a might.

But Maw was OK, And the girls were too.

They fixed up the trailer; It looked good as new.

And as for Bubba, He liked Old St. Nick,

But Santa thought Bubba Was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, And the boys did, too.

And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you!

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