Old and New Jokes

You Know Youve Had Too Much Holiday Cheer When….



1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.

2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.

3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.

4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.

5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.

6. You strike a match and light your nose.

7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.

8. You hear someone say, Call a priest!

9. You hear a duck quacking and its you.

10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.

11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.

12. You tell everyone you have to go home… and the partys at your place.

13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.

14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room… and realize youre in front of the hall mirror.

15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.

16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.

18. Youre at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.

19. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.

20. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.

21. You realize youre the only one under the coffee table