05
Dec

The Deer Hunt

1:00 am – Alarm clock rings
2:00 am – Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30 am – Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pick-up
3:00 am – Leave for the deep woods
3:15 am – Back home to pick up gun
3:30 am – Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent
4:00 am – Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:30 am – Set up camp
6:05 am – Head for the woods
6:06 am – See eight deer
6:07 am – Take aim and squeeze the trigger
6:08 am – CLICK
8:00 am – Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
9:00 am – Head back to camp
12:00 NOON – Fire gun for help–eat wild berries
12:15 pm – Run out of bullets–eight deer come back
12:20 pm – Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 pm – Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 pm – Rescued
12:55 pm – Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00 pm – Arrive back at camp
3:30 pm – Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 pm – Return to camp for bullets
4:01 pm – Load gun–Leave camp again
5:00 pm – Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you
6:00 pm – Arrive at camp–see deer grazing in camp
6:01 pm – Load gun
6:02 pm – Fire gun
6:03 pm – One dead pick-up
6:05 pm – Hunting partner arrives in camp dragging deer
6:06 pm – Repress desire to shoot hunting partner
6:07 pm – Fall into fire
6:10 pm – Change clothes–throw burned ones onto fire
6:15 pm – Take pick-up, leave hunting partner and his deer in camp
6:25 pm – Pick-up boils over–hole shot in block
6:26 pm – Start walking
6:30 pm – Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35 pm – Meet bear
6:36 pm – Take aim
6:37 pm – Fire gun, blow up barrel–plugged with mud
6:38 pm – Mess pants
6:39 pm – Climb tree
9:00 pm – Bear leaves. Wrap *$%!@#$% gun around tree

Midnight – Home at last

[Note – Copyright Paul Auger (pauger@gwi.net) – ed.]

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