Top 10 signs you bought a bad christmas tree:

10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide

9. Salesmans opening line: Youre not a cop, are you?

8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it

7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride

6. Each branch has Duraflame printed on it

5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list

4. Its very small and says Air Freshener on it

3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours

2. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it

1. Constantly bragging about its trunk size