15 – You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.

14 – Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.

13 – Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

12 – Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.

11 – For some reason, theres salt on the rim of your basketball goal.

10 – Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Beas pancakes.

9 – For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you couldve bought the automobile.

8 – Youre now the proud inventor of the Slim Jim: Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

7 – Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.

6 – Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

5 – Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, Hey, its Vomit Man!

4 – The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long itll take you to find your pants.

3 – Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

2 – Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

1 – Youre now sober enough to realize Drink Canada Dry is a slogan and not a personal challenge.