In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife.
[sound effect: Heeeeee-YAH!, smashing box of kleenex]

But this method doesnt work with a telephone call…
[sound effect: dial tone]

Introducing the all-new GINSU answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls!

How much would you pay?

Dont answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, well throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!

[Theme from Indiana Jones in the background.]

Youve reached the residence of John and Tom. We cant come to the phone right now, because were cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and well get back to you.

[Theme from Indiana Jones continues until the beep.]