Old and New Jokes

Two men are sitting in a pub talking, one mentions that its his wifes birthday soon and he doesnt know what to get her.

The second man says that he bought his wife a blue Porsche and a red Porsche for her birthday because if she didnt like the blue one, she could have the red one, and vice versa.

The next week, the second man asks the other what he finally bought his wife. He replies, a necklace and a vibrator.

Why? asks the second man.

To which the other man replies, Because if she doesnt like the necklace, she can go fuck herself.

How is a computer like Britney Spears?Theyre both cheap, white, and plastic.

You might be a redneck if…
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

A bus stops to let on a passenger. This attractive lady steps onto the bus and puts her right thumb to her nose and wiggles her fingers without saying a word. The bus driver puts his right thumb to his nose and his left thumb to the palm of his right hand and wiggles all eight of his fingers. The woman then looks a bit confused and in silence grabs her boobs! The bus driver in a growing lack of patience grabs his balls, the woman then turns around, grabs her ass and struts off the bus!!

A frequent passenger who sits at the front of the bus looks to the driver, and says, Tom, Ive been riding your bus for quite a few years now and Ive never seen anything as vulgar as this! Im going to have to ride a different route!

Tom, the driver looks to the woman sitting in the front seat and replies, You are mistaken, that woman was deaf. She asked me if this bus was headed for 5th. street, I said, no, 10th street. She asked if it went to the Dairy Mart, I told her that it went to the ball park and she said, shit, Im on the wrong bus and left.