I love my master;

Thus I perfume myself with

This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up

In the sunshine, happier than

You ever will be.

Today I sniffed

Many dog butts – I celebrate

By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!

Paperboy – come to kill us all –

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!

Garbage man – come to kill us all –

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and

Whiz on each bush . Hello, Spot –

Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?

The ways are numberless as

My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!

I am so ecstatic I have

Made a puddle.

I Hate my choke chain.

Look, world, they strangle me! Ack

Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin

On your foot – no greater bliss – well,

Maybe catching rats.

Look in my eyes and

Deny it. No human could

Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all

Bad – she fills the litter box

With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence – why?

Because its there. Because its

There. Because its there.

I am your best friend,

Now, always, and especially

When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,

But they are far more – I call

Them a vocation.

My owners mood is

Romantic – I lie near their

Feet. I fart a big one.

Joke found on http://www.huumor.com