Women are empathic, men are pathetic. We havent got a clue as to empathizing with another human being.

Male bonding consists of hitting each other on the shoulder, swearing a lot, and talking about the latest football game (Go Bears!!!) while consuming huge amounts of beer.

Female bonding is another thing all together. It consists of expressing emotions from despair to bliss, talking of inner feelings and personal relationships, and, of course, how clueless we men are.

Example from my marriage: Shorty after our Honeymoon, my bride stepped between me and the television, and said We have to talk. Being new to the married thing, and not knowing the ramifications of a we have to talk talk, I immediately turned the TV off (the Bears were winning big anyway, and I was out of beer), and said Whatever is bothering you is bothering me. Tell me about it.

This was, I thought, just the kind of careing, loving statement a good husband should make under the circumstances. She tured tear-filled eyes toward me and said I feel all empty inside. I said (and here comes the clueless part), Well, why dont you make yourself a sandwich, then? We could order some carry-out.

When I woke up, my clothes were tossed all over the room, and I was still in them. I had a splitting headache, and a vague realization that I had made some major mistake. I wasnt sure just what it was, but after a few repetitions of, more or less, this same scene, it began to dawn on me…

At least once each day a woman is going to ask her man a question that will determine his sex life for the next twenty-four hours. The trick is learning to spot just which question this is.

It could be something as simple as Did you like your dinner? to the always confusing, and always fustrating Do I look fat in this?

There is no right answer to this question. Either way, youre screwed… or not screwed to be exact.

But one question should be banned from the female volcabulary: Do you think shes prettier than me?

She always is, but we have to lie, and lie convincingly, to get laid that night.