At a church, a new priest was being trained. He was so nervous at his first mass
that he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the
Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, Next week it may help if you
put some Vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go
smoothly.

The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice, and was able to
talk up a storm and did just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he
found a note from the Monsignor:

Next time, sip rather than gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples not 10.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick his ass.

We do not refer to our saviour Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and
the Boys.

Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter
pulling contest at St. Taffys.

We do not refer to the cross as the The Big T.

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.

The recommended Grace before meals is not Rub-A-Dub, thanks for the grub,
Yo God!

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, dont say he was
stoned off his ass.

When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, Take this and eat
it, for it is my body, he did not say, Eat me.

Last, but not least, it is the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the Cherry.