Old and New Jokes

From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to
assign a gender to a noun of their choice and explain their reason.The best submissions SWISS ARMY KNIFE –male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.KIDNEYS — female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.TIRE — male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light
a fire under it… and, of course, theres the hot air part.SPONGES — female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.WEB PAGE — female, because it is always getting hit on.SHOE — male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.COPIER — female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are
pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.ZIPLOC BAGS — male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.
SUBWAY — male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.HOURGLASS — female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.HAMMER — male, because it hasnt evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but its handy to have around.REMOTE CONTROL — female…Ha! You thought Id say male. But consider,
it gives man pleasure, hed be lost without it, and while he doesnt always
know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying