A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip. So the next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:
Sip the vodka, dont gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, dont say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the big T!
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, Take this and eat it, for it is my body, he did not say ,Eat me.
The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the Mary with the cherry.
The reccomended grace before a meal is not:Rub-Adub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffys.
31
Dec
Additional Jokes From "Religious"
- And the angel of the
- Adam & Eve
- Gays in church
- Sitting or Standing
- Harley Davidson dies, and goes
- The National Enquirers special investigative
- You Know Youve Had Too Much Holiday Cheer When
- What Sex is Polly?
- First mass
- 7 dwarfs
- Heard On Noahs Ark
- There were four nuns, who
- Gods Name
- At the construction job
- A man who smelled like