The new Mens Thesaurus – on sale now at your local book stores!:

IM GOING FISHING

Means: Im going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.

ITS A GUY THING

Means: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.

CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?

Means: Why isnt it already on the table?

UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR…

Means: Absolutely nothing. Its a conditioned response.

IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN

Means: I have no idea how it works.

I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. ITS JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.

Means: I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.

TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOURE WORKING TOO HARD.

Means: I cant hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

THATS INTERESTING, DEAR.

Means: Are you still talking?

YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.

Means: I remember the theme song to F Troop, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car Ive ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.

Means: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.

OH, DONT FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, ITS NO BIG DEAL.

Means: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that Im hurt.

HEY, IVE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT IM DOING.

Means: And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.

I CANT FIND IT.

Means: It didnt fall into my outstretched hands, so Im completely

clueless.

WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?

Means: What did you catch me at?

I HEARD YOU.

I havent the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you dont spend the next 3 days yelling at me.

YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.

Means: I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.

YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.

Means: Please dont try on one more outfit, Im starving.

IM NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.

Means: No one will ever see us alive again.

WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.

Means: I make the messes, she cleans them up.